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Different color of lights were dancing all over the place with loud music on its background. People covered with sweats are grinding with each other while dancing on the dance floor. But despite the liveliness of the place, Lisa's world seems so quite and dull. She was drinking her wiskey silently while staring at the glass infront of her.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
Chaeyoung, who's quitely observing the blonde girl finally spoke up. Her eyes avert on the girl with heart shaped lips—Jisoo—who only gave her a sad smile.
Lisa lazily dart her eyes on the girl beside her, almost forgot that she has a companion. She then sigh and quickly removed her eyes at the girl, afraid that her tears will cascade on her face again by just answering that question.
"Lisa." Jisoo said softly but loud enough to reach Lisa's ear since the place are quite loud, but the blonde just closed her eyes.
"I—i can't, i didn't even attend her last funeral." Lisa said after a few minutes of being silent, biting her lower lip to surpress her tears. She let out a deep breath.
Chaeng grab Lisa by her hand and drag her away from the loud place since she knows that the topic are pretty sensitive and needs to talk through without being interrupted. Jisoo on the other hand just follow Chaeyoung's way until they reach her car.
"Does Jennie's parents knew this?" Chaeyoung asked minutes later after getting inside the car. Her eyes are tearing up now, everything seems hard to sink in.
"Yes." Lisa said softly, with tears slowly running on her cheek.
They didn't talk after that. Only soft sobs can be heard from Chaeng, who cannot contain it anymore. Lisa just looking outside the window while Jisoo just staring at nothingness.
"What happened?" Jisoo asked, this is the first time she asked Lisa after their talk on the café.
Lisa closed her hand, and gently closed her eyes. She doesn't want to talk about it yet, she doesn't want to remember everything, she doesn't want to feel that same pain she felt that day when she found out Jennie's already gone. But she knows they deserve it, after keeping to herself, she knows she need to let it out too.
"J-Jennie had Meningioma." Lisa started, gulping a lump on her throat. Jisoo and Chaeng remained silent, waiting for her to continue.
"I... I don't have any idea that nini h-has that kind of disease. S-she did not even tell me." Lisa continued, sobbing like a child now with her palm on her eyes, trying to cover it while wishing it can stop her tears from flowing.
"Her parents doesn't have any idea too. It... It happened so quickly." she said, wiping up her tears but it has no use, because it just keep on streaming down.
"One morning, i just woke up feeling light. I-it's almost a perfect morning, waking up with good weather and with the p-person you love by your side, hugging you and leaning her head on your shoulder? It was almost perfect." Her shoulder now was shaking, her sobs become more louder and has a paint of agony on it. She clench her chest, trying to ease that heavy feeling she's feeling right now.
"Not when... When i found out she's n-not breathing a-anymore. I... I thought it was a joke, i thought everything is just a joke! That she's just trying to prank me, but she's not! She left me! She left me without leaving any word! S-she fucking left me and i can't fucking do anything about it!" Lisa shouted while punching the air vent infront of her, Chaeyoung quickly grab her arms and tried to stop her as well as Jisoo.
"Stop, Lis. Stop." Chaeyoung said repeatedly, their eyes are full of tears.
Lisa just hang her head low, trying to calm herself.
"She left me, s-she's gone. My n-nini's gone now."
Lisa has two main reason why she keeps on drowning herself in alcohol. First, because she wants to feel numb. She thought that maybe alcohol can make her feel numb even just for a short period of time. She wants to feel numb because she's tired of being hurt, she's tired feeling the same pain she felt everyday.
And the second reason was because it's making her drowse to sleep quickly. Lisa just want to fell asleep, it start when she first saw Jennie on her dream, she saw how her girl show her gummy smile on her, and she loves seeing it everyday. She likes being asleep, because it's her way on being with Jennie, even just on her dream. She loves her dream, because it includes Jennie.
Lisa sat down on her bed and rest her back at the head board after Jisoo and Chaeyoung left her alone on her apartment. She can feel the coldness touching her pale skin, she's not use to it, that makes her feel lonely.
She slips out the small bottle on the pocket of her hoodie, then stares at it for awhile. She then twist it's cap open and pour the tablets on her palm, and left nothing.
A small smile form on her lips, thinking that the pills will help her see Jennie again.
"I'm tired. I wanna be with you." she whispered, as if she's talking to someone.
"And if my dreams is the only way i can see you, i will take every sleeping pills on the earth just to see your beautiful face Nini."
Lisa moved her hand, putting all the pills inside her mouth then closed her eyes.
'I wanna see you, even just in my dreams.'
She said on her head.
Lisa let out a one final smile, before gulping all the pills on her mouth. A single tear left her eyes.
'I love you, Jennie Kim. I always will and always do. I'll be with you now, please wait for me.'
