Music

Never be alone

First week of december, I remember how you secured yourself on a thick jacket on that lonely night. I remember how christmas lights reflect on your eyes but didn't even have any happines in there.

So, i decided to approach you, sat besides you and tried to catch your attention. I didn't know why i care, it's obviously none of my business right?

"Hey."

I said audible enough to catch your attention, but you just stare at nothingness. That makes me feel embarassed, so i tried to call you again but you just gave me the same response. I did have a battle with myself that time, whether should i just leave you there alone or try to talked to you again.

After a minute battling with my own, you stand up and start walking away. Like, you haven't even notice my presence, that there's no one sitting besides you who tried to start a small conversation with you. And it pissed me off, but i just shrug it off and just make my way home, trying to forget my stupidness.

Days passed, and i still saw you sitting at that bench on that same park, alone and with thick jacket covering your body. You still have that painful doe-eyes. And i always wonder why.

After five days, i just found out that you're the only daughter of our new neighbor who live across our house. I found it out when my mother asked me to knock on your house and gave you the cookies she cooked.

You're the one who opened the door, and i was shocked that time. But you just give me a cold shoulder. You just utter a small thanks after handing me the tupperware, and that's it; it triggers more my curiosity about you.

I tried to be friend you, go on the same park where the first time i saw you. Tried to talk to you even though i didn't recieve any response from you. You're not even smiling, just staring at those christmas lights. I'm crazy right? Me, myself don't even know what i am doing. I'm not even approachable, not even friendly.

I visited your house, the time when your family welcomed we warmly. When i say i want to be friend with their daughter, they were all shocked. Her mother even looked at me with teary eyes, and encourage me to do so. She said "Just have a long patience with Lisa, she will surely give in at the end." And that's the time i found out your name, Lisa.

I regularly came by your house, i even go there on christmas eve and have a small celebreation since you're just living across us. But you, you still treat me as if i'm nothing. I even remember that christmas night, you pushed me away when i tried to give you a present and said "Don't come near me. I don't need you, i don't want you near me." It was cold and poisonous.

It stabed my heart, it hurts but i just gave my warmest smile at her, a smile that tell her i'm not giving up until she accept me in her life. Because i believe that she'll give in someday.

Then new year came, Lisa's mother told me to check Lisa on her room. And the exact moment i opened the door, i saw her there; Standing on a chair while holding a rope near her face.

I screamed, and pushed her. Just what the fuck is she trying to do?! I scolded her, until i didn't notice that i'm already crying. It scares me, it scares the hell out of me. And I don't know what will i do if i didn't came that moment.

It happened not only once, but thrice. And i want to understand why she's doing that, or what's her problem. But tita didn't say anything, she didn't opene it up so i didn't pushed her. Because i can sense that they were all sensitive about the topic.

That's the reason why i always ended up spending most of my time with her, even though she always pushes me away, even though she always said hurtful words towards me, i didn't mind. Because what i want is to ensure her safety, because i want to, and also because i slowly developed this feeling that i always felt whenever she's around me. It felt amazing, even just feeling her presence, i already felt comfortable.

Then after month spending time with her and not leaving her side, she slowly givin' up. She slowly soften. I even witness her first smile on me, that time when me and her mother was cooking something on their kitchen and laughing because of something, i saw her leaning at the door frame, smiling genuinely at us, and that moment i knew i fucked up. Because i knew i already fell in love with the girl named Lalisa Manoba.

She start showing me care, calling me on my Name and even gave me a nickname. Slowly updating me on her wherebouts and even having a midnight calls. And i'm loving it, i'm loving every small but sweet gestures you made. I'm loving how you change in a positive way, and i'm so thankful i'm there to witness it all.

But it ended up easily.

You're gone.

And i don't know where you are.

I tried to contact you, stop by your house to check you but i always ended up seeing nothing.

And on the third week of november, i saw your mother so i didn't waste any other chance and approach her, asked her where you are, but she just smile sadly and hand me an amulet, saying it came from you, and i should protect it the way how i protect you from darkness.

I asked her mother what happened, almost yelling because of the goddamn nervousness i felt. But she just cried, and held my hand tightly.

And her answer makes me numb. Numb enough to feel anything but a hot liquid running down my cheek.

"Lisa's in coma, Jennie."