Music

Say

"Is it true?"

I tried my best to keep my voice stern as much as possible so that weakness cannot be shown, but heck, it came out shaky and i hate it.

I waited for her answer, closing my eyes because i don't wanna see what her cat eyes was saying.

5 minutes past, and i don't even get any response. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, showing my knuckles turning white. Her silence was killing me, it looks like she's already admitting something without using any words. And that's fucking hurt.

"Jennie, is it...t-true?"

I can feel her gaze moved towards my direction. I can feel it, even my eyes was closed. I can everything when it comes to her. I feel it, like i put it in my system. Everything, her stare, scent, breath and touch. I memorize it, and it become part of my system.

"Fuck it Jennie say something!"

I scream because she's still not saying anything. You can't blame me, it's so hard to keep it in my heart. This heavy feeling inside of me needed to release. My breathing became rapid, moving my chest up and down because of the sudden burst out, and also because of the anger that was building inside of me, but pain dominant's it all.

I felt a hot liquid that was flowing on my left cheeck. I don't wanna open my eyes because heck, i know they'll start pouring down continuesly.

"I'm sorry."

She softly said together with her soft sobs.

I slowly open my eyes, not minding on the tears that was now falling freely. Losen my grip on the steering wheel and my arms slowly goes down on my side because it fel like i don't have any remaining strength just because of that two words, two words that was came on her mouth. Two words that means, it was true. And she'll not gonna refuse it.

I put my forehead on the steering wheel, biting my lower lip. Surpressing the sobs that wants to escape my mouth. My throat felt dry, and it was so hard to breath.

"What i've done wrong?"

I ask, now together with sobs.

"Jennie, did i do something wrong?"

"I'm sorry Lisa, i'm...i'm really sorry. It...it was just an accident. Believe me please."

"Believe you?!"

I shot a glance on her, my lips trembling. Seeing her crying infront of me breaks my heart, but it doesn't take away the fact that she...she breaks not only my heart now.

"Jennie, do you want me to believe you? Jennie. It was done and you already admit it!"

I scream that startled her. I shove my fingers on my hair, brushing it hastily.

I opened the door of my car and get out, walking fast back and forth.

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it Damn it!"

I scream at the top of my lungs while punching the post light infront of me, didn't care of my now bleeding knuckles as i keep on punching it, releasing the anger and pain that i was feeling now.

"Lisa! Lisa! Please stop it!"

I felt a pair of arms grabing my body away from that post light.

"Don't touch me!"

"Lisa please!"

She said while tightening her grip preventing me to escape on her arms.
After few seconds on struggling i succeed and released on her arms mostly because she already loosen her grip on me, which is i regret later on.

I slowly break down and sat on the ground, gripping my head and pulling it.

"With whom?"

I whispered, just enough for her to hear it. But i didn'r even get any answer.

"Please Jennie, s-say something, be honest on me. That's all i was asking for. P-please."

She sat infront of me, eyes full of tears and lips trembling.

"W...with Kai."

I shut my eyes closed, releasing a heavy breath. I open it again and look above me, trying to catch an oxygen.

"H-how?"

"I don't feel anything towards him i swear, please Lisa b-believe me."

"So how come you cheated on me?! Jennie stop toying me!"

"I'm not toying you! Lisa i love you! I really do!"

She said with full of sincerity in her eyes, but i can't stand it. Because her love hurt me real bad.

"In four years being with you, you already did it. Jennie, does loving me bore you?"

I ask her with begging voice and staring at her eyes.

"No, no no please forgive me. T-that won't happen again p-please Lisa."

Jennie said and grab my hand, holding it tightly.

I just stare at our hands.

Do i deserve this?

"I'm sorry."

That's the only thing i can say that makes her cry more.

"Please."

Few minutes and only our sobs can be heard on a lonely road. I wipe my tears away for the nth time but still no use, got up from sit and remove the dust on my pants.

"Stand up, i'll bring you home."

"Lisa please, i'm begging you hon."

Jennie said then grab my hand while on her knees.

I closed my eyes and pull her up.

"Look..."

I grab her shoulder and cup her face after, tears streaming on my face again. And with a shaky voice, i let myself be fooled again.

"Forget everything that happened here, everything, including your c-cheating. A-and i...i would do the same. Let's start over again."

If her love hurts me, then i would gladly be hurt just to feel her love. Even if it kills me.