[✅]Skin Hungry [Yoongi X Reader]

Twelve 十二 십이

2019.09.20, Friday
1411hours

You went back into office and postponed your original meeting, know full well that it will be a waste of everyone's time considering how distracted you are at the moment.

You gave yourself 30 minutes to feel all your emotions and then clamp them shut, hoping that you will be distracted by the mountain of work beside you.

Your feelings start to cycle and you know that if you don't pull yourself out of it, the next few days will just be pure torture.

You think back to why you left him and all you remember is pain. You can't even pull out the happy memories you had with him. Seo Eun and you had been close friends for a long time, long before the affair had started. The both of you knew so much about each other, having been close friends and constantly maintaining contact. He was your closest male friend.

Then, it just happened. You had gotten your new job, and he wanted to celebrate for you. But he had been pulling all nighters for a while and didn't fancy going out so you went over to his place.

The both of you always liked to tease each other and the only physical contact you two ever made were playful punches and maybe poking each other just to see the other jump a mile high just because you two were so ticklish. That time instead of poking your side, he just went for it, putting his arms around your waist, his lips on your ear, goosebumps ran all over your exposed skin.

Things went out of hand after that.

It went on for 3 years. Three years of letting guilt eat away at your soul and conscience. It always felt so good to be with him.

Until it wasn't. Every time he doesn't stay the night, each time you wished he would listen to your troubles, each time you want to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him but couldn't. You wanted a man to come home to and have a home with.

He was never that person.

Everytime you're with him, you fly so high, only to come crashing down there after. You were scared for him, you were scared for yourself. You never wanted to be hurt in the case of a third party. You saw how your friends went through break ups because of that, devastated beyond belief. And yet here you are, inflicting this pain on another person. And they will find out, eventually, if you kept going. It was inevitable. Fire cannot be contained by paper.

For all that you did, you know that you don't deserve to be happy, you don't deserve love. You did something that you yourself will not be able to forgive should another inflict this pain on you. How could you do it to another person? No.

So you left. You left him, hoping that he would be happy with her. You left to lick your wounds and to try to be happy. Trying to be ok with it, trying to accept that it was a mistake, that it will always be a burden, a fear, a regret.

And now he's back.

And he is saying that he loves you. You were almost fooled by the look in his eyes. He looked as though he meant them. It was impossible to fathom. He could not possibly have truly fallen in love with you. Why? Why?! Why now of all time?

You have finally felt some peace in your heart and some semblance of happiness. Lonely, yes you feel that, but ultimately you are thankful for the presence of the boys. They fill up your time and energy, providing distraction from your downward spiral thoughts a lot. Mina, the boys and your colleagues don't know it, but they are the lifelines that you have been holding onto just to keep your sanity. Rather than moping around at home, on your own, their presence alone made you go out and do things rather than have a pity party on your own.

You remember... you remember the time when you had felt so overwhelmed by everything. It was the time where you disappeared on Yoongi for months, he had been picking fights to get you to open up and you lashed back at him.

You found out that they were expecting. You felt as though your soul was being ripped apart. Especially when just three hours before seeing that social media post, he was still texting you, which you adamantly ignored. You almost softened and relented. Just so close, because you were stressed, you were lonely, you were emotional.

Seo Eun was your comfort zone, the one who had been there for a lot of your ups and downs. He was familiar, someone you didn't have to go through all the fear and anxiety of someone new.

But that's precisely why you left. That sense of familiarity is false. Seo Eun is no longer the person you know. He never has time for your feelings. Or maybe it was because you thought that all you were to him was a warm body and he doesn't care about your feelings anymore. Things changed the moment you slept together. All he could think about was sex when it came to you. You... just wanted him.

You left with a broken heart and you needed to lick your wounds and heal.

You left without so much as a word once you took everything from Yoongi's place and boarded a plane.