viridity |•| t.s daughter (1)

fly away

♡maggie♡
age six

2002

The month is June, one of the hottest months of the year. I've been with daddy for four months now, but I won't be with him for much longer. In September I will be sent to Russia where I will attend a boarding school.

Daddy wasn't kidding when he said he's getting rid of me, I'm just glad he didn't decide to kill me. The only upside to this whole thing is that I won't have to deal with Obidiah unless I'm on school breaks. The biggest downside is that I won't be seeing daddy all the time which makes me sad. I love daddy so much.

I've tried to think of all the ways that I could get daddy to change his mind, for daddy to love me. In the end I never come up with anything, I just end up crying until I fall asleep.

Daddy doesn't talk to me anymore, I barely even see him. I made daddy hate me and now I hate me. I wish momma had just cut my throat right and killed me.

Because she didn't kill me I have to live with this scar for the rest of my life and go to speech therapy three days a week. It's always horrible, I don't make any progress and sound like a rubber duck at the end of every session. My voice will never stop being squeaky, the girls at my ballet class even call me Duck now.

Since I'd be going to Russia soon, daddy hired a tutor to come over for two hours every day to teach me Russian. I've picked up pretty fast, I should be fluent in the next three months. I'd also been given private lessons with Miss. Brienne who is training me harshly in ballet and gymnastics, I'm not that good at gymnastics though because I've never taken a class. Miss. Brienne says I should get used to it though, it'll be much worse at the boarding school.

Pepper is sad that I'm going, she even argued with daddy about it, but it did nothing to change his mind. She says she'll miss me, but she'll try to call whenever she can. I think Pepper sees me as a daughter, but I'm not sure. I just know she loves me, more than daddy at least.

Obidiah got mad when he found out I'm leaving. After daddy told him, Obidiah took me to his house and punished me. He said its my fault because I was a bad girl and now he won't be able to spend time with his 'favorite little girl' whenever he wanted to. I felt sick when he called me that.

Months pass by quickly, and I feel sadder as they go. Eventually the day comes when me and daddy get on a plane, leaving home for the next year, maybe even longer. Would daddy miss me at all? Probably not, but I'll miss him.

  The flight is long and boring. There's nothing to do besides coloring in my coloring book. Daddy still won't talk to me, but I'm hoping he will. I'm too scared to say anything to him, I don't want him to yell at me. I just want him to tell me he loves me.

When someone announces that there's only an hour left in the flight, I feel relieved. I'd been falling in and out of sleep for the past so many hours. Coloring got boring, so I decided napping was best.

  Looking across from me, I make eye contact with daddy. We've been sitting across from each other during this flight, all dad has done is drink his stupid alcohol. That's what Pepper told me it's called, all this time I thought it was called adult juice because of momma. I hate alcohol, I'm starting to wonder if it's the parent of monsters.

  "Maggie," I'm surprised to hear him talk to me, so I look to him eagerly. I hope he tells me he's changing his mind, or at least telling me he loves me. "You be a good girl at this school."

Of course he didn't change his mind, he's just worried about me being bad. If I'm a bad girl again is he just gonna find another way to get rid of me?

  "If I'm a bad girl are you going to try and kill me like momma?" Momma tried to kill me because I was a bad girl, I talked to her when I shouldn't have. Daddy doesn't get as mad as momma, and he's only hurt me once, so I know he's not as bad. I think the only reason he doesn't get mad as easy as momma is because he doesn't eat sugar with his nose. Sugar always made momma mean.

Daddy ignores my question though, looking away and pretending I don't exist the rest of the flight. When we get off the plane there are people with cameras waiting for us, shouting questions and taking pictures. Daddy taught me to not answer them though, ignore them unless he said so.

  We rush straight to the car waiting for us and get in, driving away from all of the commotion. It's quiet as we drive, just as it had been on the plane.

It's not long before we pull up in front of a big building that looks more like a house than a school. Daddy doesn't come in with me, so I walk in alone.

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