The Universe Listened | Kiribaku

To distract our hearts from ever missing them

●Chapter Twenty Nine●

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This is what happens when your boyfriend says he's leaving:

Katsuki swears it has nothing to do with you, he says it's always been that way, since the divorce and the death of his mother, his father's job had kept them moving. Always. He says he can't remember when the last time he stayed in one place for more than a year, and you understand. You nod, smile, tell him it's just the way things are. Like Mina, you can't bring yourself to be mad, only heartbroken.

Each day, you're stuck to him like glue. He shows up to your classes to walk you to and from each room. Lunch is spent side by side, hands locked, silence settling over because neither of you knew what to say, what is and isn't okay. When you're not at school, you're cramming in as much as you possibly can. Dates, walks, study sessions. Anything in an act of desperation to try to get what you can of him etched in your brain.

Each night is spent in each other's arms whether it's at your house or his, and no one questions it. Your mothers stopped pestering you about it, his dad stopped constantly checking in. You try to imagine what it was like before Katsuki, you fail and try to dream up a fantasy world where he doesn't have to leave you. Where you aren't blind so you could see his features. So you could understand what it's like to be totally and utterly captivated by his eyes.

The world isn't kind like that.

By week two of knowing of his move, you two talk for hours on the porch and come to the heart-wrenching conclusion to not stay together. You think back to Mina, when she said this would hurt less, and you try to fathom how in any world that would make sense because the pain you're feeling is beyond anything you've ever felt in. He's leaving you, you're leaving him. You will be going your separate ways.

Your mind races at the thought of him finding someone better, someone who can appreciate him in ways you could never. You imagine him loving someone, giving his heart away to who isn't you, and you almost vomit on the wooden steps. You wonder if the time will burn your heart, if the time will start to slowly strip what love you felt for him from you, because Mina said they move on, they grow apart, and that's just how life works. Another thought that feels like the fist of the world's strongest man finding a spot wedged in your stomach, weighing you down like a rock.

These things are inevitable, you tell yourself, I'll move on yet you don't want to move on. You do not want to accept that he's leaving, that there's a more than likely chance that he'll build a future excluding you, and that you'll build one without him.

There's one day that goes by, and although you've heard from Katsuki you haven't seen him. His father and him have started cleaning the house, he told you. You soak up the memories, holding the hoodie he left at your house close because once he's gone, aside from his number and the messages you've made sure to screenshot and back up, it'll be all that's left. It will be the only true, prevalent, and visible indicator that Katsuki was there, that he left a mark somewhere on your heart that you believe won't ever fully heal.

Mina told you that you never forget your first love, never entirely that is. She said that you never really fall entirely out of love with them either, but you thought that was bullshit.

Your mothers notice your mood, how down you've become so quickly, and you can tell they're worried you'll end up like you were by the way they speak, the questions, the tone. They tell you they'd help you go visit if Katsuki wasn't far, they wouldn't mind at all, but you tell them he'll be far and that you'll be okay. You have to be. Not being okay won't change anything, he's still going to leave and being okay will make the change a little easier, or at least you hope it will. There's really no way to know and that alone is terrifying.