Radio Interview (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 16 ~ Louis

Chapter 16 ― Louis

“Relax, Lou. Everything’s gonna be fine,” Harry reassured me patting my back lightly. “We know Havi and I’m sure, as Eleanor, she will never blame you.”

I sighed as we got out of the van. Liam, Zayn and Niall were walking ahead and Paul was behind us silently. I told Harry about my dream because I just couldn’t keep it for myself any longer, the lump in my throat didn’t let me breathe and only talking about it with my best mate would help me. I feared that Havi might hate me one day so much, that she was going to blame me for whatever might happen to her and I knew I had to keep distance to keep her safe, but I couldn’t. Not when I wanted to see her so badly, not when I wanted to know her better with all my heart, not when I wanted her closer and closer.

I was torn between what I wanted and what I should do. I wanted her, I wanted to make her forget about that other lad and make her want me back. I wanted to be able to call her mine, to hold her in my arms whilst she smiled at me so sweetly, with her eyes shining because she was happy. But if I wanted to protect her, I should stay away from her.

Harry told me that I should fight for her, that I should trust I could keep her safe and that Havi wasn’t as vulnerable as I thought she was, but I didn’t want to take the risk. I couldn’t risk letting someone hurt her. I cared about her, I cared so much and the last thing I wanted was to see her hurt. That was my biggest fear, but since I sorted my feelings out, I could only notice how much I wanted her.

“If I were her, I would hate me,” I told him in a whisper. He kept telling me that Havi would never hate me, or blame me for whatever might happen.

“Stop with that or I’ll hit you,” he threatened me and I looked at him kind of amused for that comment, but he was serious. “Do you seriously think Havi would blame you for something you can’t control? It’s like she’d blame you because every time you go out and it’s raining. It’s not your responsibility what the fans might do, therefore it’s not your fault. Of course Havi will know that! They only one who doesn’t seem to understand that it’s you!” He almost was yelling at me and we both stopped walking. Paul passed next to us and left us alone.

“I–” I started but he cut me off.

“You…” he mimicked me. “You’re being a fucking idiot! That’s what you are. You’re considering your own point of view but have you thought about what Havi might want? Maybe she will want to be with you, give the both of you a chance but you’re not even giving her the option to choose!” He was talking loud and fast, his expression dead serious and I could only look at him with my eyes wide open.

His words were like slaps on my face. I could barely process what he was saying, it was too much for me, putting everything under a new perspective, considering another option for this whole drama. “Havi doesn’t want to be with me…” I whispered and, damn! That hurt.

“And that’s written in stone, right?” He retorted sarcastically and I could only bite my lower lip and avoid his eyes. “Look, Boo-bear, I just want the best for you and if you really like her, then you should go for her. If you don’t, you’re gonna be all gloomy and we all want our happy Louis,” he finished with a smile and his hand on my shoulder.

I could understand why he was telling me all this, because he believed that Havi could make me happy. I honestly kind of believed the same because when she was around, I felt better, lighter, happier. I felt like I could be myself again and I even could forget about all I’ve lost since we started with the band, something that always came to my mind since Eleanor and I broke up. I didn’t know what Havi had that made her so special, but I felt so good when she was near.