His Wife

23

"Maria!" 

I threw open the door and glared at the dangerous man at the door. He had his eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth was turned into a scowl.

"Yes?" I growled Stephan. 

My hair was a complete mess, it resembled somewhat of a haystack in a wind storm. 

"Get yourself together. We're leaving soon."

I slammed the door. Then I sighed. I had questions. 

I opened the door and tried to look mature and composed. Thankfully, Stephan was still at the door. 

"Where are we going?" 

"It doesn't matter."

I was about to slam the door again, but I took a deep breath and restated my question, "Are we leaving the city or the country?"

Stephan stood still a moment but thankfully decided to answer. "No."

He left and I closed the door- quietly this time. I jumped onto my bed and groaned. I hated myself. 

Not only had I committed a sin, which goes against God, but I also went against Alexander, my husband. He didn't deserve it, no matter how cold and unattached he was from me. Even if he hated me, it didn't matter, because I was still married to him. I owed it to him to be a good wife, who honored him and was faithful to him... but darn! Darn, darn, darn!!

I screamed into my pillow and then threw it at the wall. It made me feel better, but only for a minute moment. 

I was terribly ashamed of what I had done, and until this awful burden, this weight of regret and guilt wasn't lifted, I wouldn't be able to function normally. The weight of such actions was truly great, impacting all thoughts and reactions.

Alexander wasn't here and I couldn't express my deepest, deepest regrets and apologize for my lack of control and faithfulness. 

But God was here, and I could start with an apology to him. 

"God..." I whispered into the air, closing my eyes. 

I didn't want to continue the prayer. You know, it's when you're so guilty that you don't even want to admit what you have done because of all the embarrassment. 

However, the weight would be gone. And I did need someone to talk to and to apologize to and so I proceeded. 

"God, forgive me. Forgive me, please. I know that no matter what I do, you always love me, but I still feel so... disgusted. So, so horribly disgusted with my betrayal to Alexander. No matter how awful he is sometimes, he doesn't deserve it and what I did is simply wrong. I beg you to forgive me... please, take this awful burden from me. I am so utterly displeased with myself and I know that only you can take away this shame and this guilt and this sin and cleanse me. Please, God, grant mercy and give peace to my soul. Amen."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew God heard it, but I so desperately wanted to apologize to Alexander as well. I knew I wouldn't feel entirely better until I could properly apologize to Alexander.

I quickly began to get myself ready to leave. My mind never left Alexander, and I would find myself in constant prayer. Even though God had forgiven me, I still wanted to apologize over and over for my actions.

I quickly brushed my nest hair until they almost gleamed like the golden strands of Rapunzel's hair. I threw on the same outfit I had on when I first went out. I didn't want to bother to look for other clothing. 

I was just about to open the door when a thought stopped me. 

Shouldn't I also apologize to Misha?