Why the Straight One? | Book 1 | bxb

Excerpt 4

"What's wrong with you? That has to have been one of the easiest translations yet. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one." The slightest ting of aggression laced the last sentence that fell from Raymond's taunting lips.

We had just finished our lessons for the day, and had been told to wait in the study room for a very rare meeting with our father. Since I knew my grades were slipping, I was extremely on edge. Raymond knew this too, and there was just the slightest bit of expectancy in the way he sat. Like he was waiting for me to be on the receiving end of our father's disapproval.

"Guess I'm not." I mumbled, hoping he would leave me alone.

"But the question is, why are you doing so terribly all of a sudden?" The question might have been thought of as caring in an older brother, if it wasn't for the fact that he was just being nosy and liked the feeling of not being the one in trouble.

"Trouble in paradise?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively at me, and I glared at him, trying to keep my anger under control. It had been three months since Jonathan's birthday, and I was finding it harder and harder to control things like my anger as my mind became more and more clouded with my shameful secret.

I hoped if I didn't answer that he would let it drop. But this was Raymond we are talking about, and he didn't know how to let something go.

"Everyone knows you haven't talked to Jonathan in months. What's happened? Did you two lovers quarrel?" I felt my breaths become more uneven, my anger that always seemed to be simmering just under the surface, leaping at the slightest opportunity of a fight.

"Shut up. We aren't lovers, and you know it. I wouldn't be another man's lover for the world."

"Aww, you don't mean that. I saw the way you used to follow him around and stare after him. You like guys, and that's a fact."

Guilt bubbled up inside of me at the reminder of Jonathan. I couldn't count the times I wanted to let him know how sorry I was for the way I acted. But as time went by, the guilt was starting to fade. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him, but what i said was true. At least, I was convincing myself of that.

"I didn't follow him around. Gays are disgusting and I'm not gay." Something flashed in Raymond's eyes, and now his tone was no longer teasing. He sounded about as angry as I was.

"And homophobic too! Poor Jonathan, now I see what happened."

"Shut up! Jonathan has nothing to do with this!"

"Oh really now? Then why are you so angry when I talk about him?"

"Because I'm sick and tired of you insinuating things. I'm not fucking gay! And yes, Jonathan and I did argue. He's gay and I want nothing to do with him. I made that very clear to him, and I'll spell it out if I have to to get it through your thick skull."

I was standing now, uncontrolled anger fueling my words. I was angry at how life had fucked me over. Angry that I couldn't go a day without thinking about him. Angry that Raymond would think I was anything like Jasper. Jasper was into men, therefore, being into men was disgusting.

"Why you little—" He stood quickly, anger controlled enough to stop himself from saying anything he might have to answer for later. "I bet you did make it clear to him. I'd hate to think of how that conversation went down. Jonathan shouldn't have had to deal with someone so bitter and hateful."