genre: angst
warning: contains death
nov,24 2016
today you seemed a little bit off, I'm worried about you but I don't know how I should talk to you about something that isn't really my business. I wish I could be there for you all the time but I'm really busy lately and it sucks. Seeing you like this makes my heart break and I can't really do something about it. You won't ever read this but I'm so in love with you and I can't imagine loosing you, ever. I hope when I'm on a break I get to spend more time with you and make you smile genuinely again. I really miss seeing how your eyes light up when something makes you happy.
nov,28 2016
everything just hurts so much, i want to end my life right now.. why did you leave me? you were the only one for me and now I have no one. you understood me even when we didn't really talk. you were my soulmate and I lost you. my heart can't be whole because you were the other half and now it's missing. you taught me to love myself and now that you're gone it's not the same anymore. I just wish I could turn back time and be there for you when you needed me. I knew something was off and I didn't do anything.. I feel so guilty.
dec,1 2016
it's your funeral tomorrow, i don't know if I'll able to go. If I go I would just do it for you, to say a last good bye. But it really doesn't feel like you're gone because you're still in my heart, alive and in other peoples hearts as well. The memories of you and me will forever stay in my head. It's impossible for me to delete the pictures of you and me or the messages you sent me, I know it hurts me but it's the only thing thats keeping me alive.
dec,2 2016
I've decided to go to your funeral, your family and every one else just misses you so much. I've been crying the whole day and the past few days as well, my eyes are burning from all of the tears. when I had to talk about you I had a breakdown in front of everyone, I went to the hospital and stayed there for a few hours. It's so hard without you here.
nov,27 2017
today is one year since you're gone, it still hurts like on the first day. I wish you were here right now to tell me that everything is gonna be fine like you always did, but I couldn't save you so it's my fault that I'm alone now. sometimes I lay awake at night and just don't know what I should do the next morning without you by my side. I just don't want to be here anymore and be with you again and hold you in my arms. Nothing makes me happy anymore and the only thing that could ever make me happy again is you. No one could ever replace you but it's okay, you are the only person I ever really loved and it'll always be like that.
nov, 27 2018
two years, I've finished all of the things we've wanted to do together. It wasn't the same without you.
