gbg oneshots [misfits]

mccradio| sing

ship: mccradio [mccreamy & john on the radio]
smut: no
trigger warning: panic attacks, no caps lock

this chapter is inspired by the video mccreamy posted on his twitter (https://twitter.com/realmccreamy/status/1038404792299610114?s=21) and the comment toby wrote under it!

toby's pov

panting so hard but don't feel air getting in. my eyesight was dark, blurry from tears in my eyes. i didn't have the strenght to stand up and unlock the door, i need help. overwhelmed by my thoughts but can't think of anything at the same time. i can almost hear yelling coming behind the door, but my consiousness is sightly fading, it's a fragile thing.

only because i got high. i got high and had a panic attack. i always think this will end differently, but get the same result and regret doing it. and end up doing it again. and again.

even though i couldn't even get up, i had power to punch the wall next to me. three times. trying to convert my panic attack into anger to stop it. but now the blood is rising to the surface and i end up with bloody hands. the skin is broken, just like my heart.

it's numb. the pain is supposed to be there, taking my attention off the fact that i can't breathe. but i'm stuck with chocking and hearing my fast heartbeat ringing in my ears. the desperate breathing to get any air in echoed between the four walls, harmonizing with the loud beating on the door and screams.

but i couldn't hear it. loneliness seeped throught my entire being, grabbing me with it's claws and pulling me deeper. i'm chocking on pure air.

jay's pov

rubbing my eyes, i look at the clock, it's showing 00:27. a grunt left my lips as i stood up to see what's with all this yelling.

i opened my door and followed the noise, believe me it wasn't hard. cameron, mason and eric were behind a bathroom door, banging on it.

"are you guys trying to break the door down or what?" i asked, chuckling at the view. all of their worried expressions turned into anger and stared down at me finding humor in this. i immediately threw the smile away and stepped closer.

"toby's having a panic attack. he's been there for over 15 minutes and all we can hear is crying and chocking. i don't know if he's okay," cameron quickly explained and showed emotion.

"it's fucked. we kind of pushed him into smoking with us," mason rubbed his temples, eric quickly adding: "and he was fine at first! we had some fun. but it turned really dark."

"are you guys stupid or something? you know he doesn't do well with weed!" i waved my arms in exclamation, "go away, give us privacy."

they didn't want to leave, but nodded and their footsteps faded away. i turned to the door and pressed my ear against it. i heard what they said: chocking and sobs.

"toby, can you hear me?" i quietly asked, but repeated the question again a bit louder. no answer.

fuck, how do you get rid of a panic attack? what helps? my sibling once had them and i-. i know what to do.

i gently put my forehead against the cold wood and quietly sang:

you must think that i'm stupid
you must think that i'm a fool
you must think that i'm new to this
but i have seen this all before

toby's pov

my heartbeat was rising, i feel like it's going to give up soon. the fear of it made my panic even worse, i started thinking i'm going to die. i'm making everything worse.

you must think that i'm stupid

the beautiful melody traveled through the door and was the only thing i heard. 

you must think that i'm a fool

i don't hear my blood pumping anymore, but the sweet voice of someone i have known for years.

you must think that i'm new to this
but i have seen this all before

air was very slowly starting to reach into my lungs, my body shaking from it. i licked my very chapped lips as i grabbed the collar of my shirt to make it easier to breathe.

i'm never gonna let you close to me
even though you mean the most to me
cause every time i open up, it hurts

i'm regaining some strenght to try to get a grip on the sink, pulling myself up.

so i'm never gonna get too close to you
even when i mean the most to you
in case you go and leave me in the dirt

when i was stable enough, i walked towards the door and fidgeted with the lock, opening it. the door opened and i saw jay, his eyes wet and a very faint smile on his perfect face. i became weak in my knees and started to fall.

but i didn't. jay caught me and carefully sat on the bathroom floor, me in his arms. he brushed the hair out of my face and let his voice bless my ears.

but every time you hurt me, the less that i cry
and every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

he slowly rocked us back and forth, caming me. i closed my red, puffy eyes and concentrated on slowing my breathing, matching it with his. a kiss was placed on my bruised hand, he reached into a cabinet and pulled out bandages, not breaking the melody on his tongue.

and every time you walk out, the less i love you
baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

he wrapped the cloth around my bloody knuckles, making sure not to hurt me. it did a little, but his heavenly voice took away all of my pain.

i'm way too good at goodbyes
i'm way to good at goodbyes~

his added runs on the song were perfect. there's where he ended his singing and cupped my cheek with his soft palm.

"i should've been here sooner, i'm sorry," he blinked a few times, trying not to cry. it made my heart warm, him caring so much for me. i swiped my thumb under his eyes to make sure no tears would flow down that perfect porcelain skin.

"it's okay, you're here now and that's all that matters," i smiled at him, all of my worries dissapeared when he returned the expression. we sat there for, apparently, two hours in eachother's arms.

a short boi but am i the only one who replayed the video of mccreamy's singing like.. twenty eight times?