𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥

22. Anorexia

Tw//One month later*

This month went by quickly, of me and Jason being together besides school and some dates under sunsets where we just talked but it's like we both were hiding something i mean I know I'm hiding something but what is he hiding.

The winter formal is this Friday and then we go on Christmas break and since it's just me and my mom and not dad anymore like it used to be she doesn't celebrate it as much.

I decided that today after school I would pick up some Christmas decorations just to lighten the mood and I'm all for decorating I mean I'm a beast at that.

"You have to pull yourself out of your problems Alesia in order to want to do anything" my inner self said.

"I can just run away from them"

"I mean you could but you choose not to I mean come on, pharaoh was one of your secrets along with fighting but come on are we not gonna talk about it because I remember that girl you and Vanessa tortured"

"I swore to never talk about that now fuck off"

"Alesia....Alesia... Alesia!" My chem teacher shouted to me, she dressed like a slutty teacher. The fucking tight pencil skirt and her white button down doesn't start buttoning until under her cleavage and she's wearing like 8 inch black heels with stockings.

I sit in the corner at the back of the class with my hoodie on listening to music while having a inner conversation with my self.

She pulls out my headphones while snatching my hoodie back. I'm pissed now.

"Do I have your attention now" she shouts and I glare at her with a straight face.

"If you ever, like ever wanna see another day I suggest you don't rip my hoodie off like a crazed psycho and then pull my headphones out of my ears" I say in a scarily calm voice. Everyone in the class room is staring at me and I really hate all the attention but I doubt anyone heard what I said besides the person in front of me, the person beside me and her and maybe even the person behind her body.

"Did you just threaten me" she states trying to make herself believe what i just said more than asking me.

"No sweetheart , I'm promising you" I said leaning forward on the desk staring her in the eyes and she walked away.

***

It's lunch and I haven't been eating lately but it's always been like that even with Connor, I know that but everything's been in the way of actually eating anything for like a month now, every now and then I'll drink water but, I would never let anyone know one of my biggest secret. My mom suggested I get therapy since I haven't been eating no matter how much she pleads for me to eat, my body tunes her out. I've fainted a few times but thankfully it only happened when I was at home or not around my friends.

I was now walking towards a bench where I sit and Vanessa wasn't here with me so I couldn't really make conversation with her, so I decided I'm just going to listen to music and stare at the sky till an alarm go off on my phone signaling lunch is over in 5 minutes.

My plans get ruined because someone I didn't expect sat next to me.

I look to my side to see a serious and worried expression on Connors face.

"What" I ask while leaning up wondering why he's looking at me that way.

"Your doing it again...starving yourself " he said and I shook my head no and looked down but I guess the looking down part told him the truth.

"You don't think I watch you, like fuck I worry about you Alesia and the fact you aren't eating-" he says but I cut him off.

"How did you notice" I say then look up to see him with a 'seriously' face.

"Your skinner honeybun" he says and I sigh not feeling like conversing about it anymore.

"Oh" is all I say

"We're not far from dunkin donuts, let me get you something to eat" he state and he has one eyebrow raised like he's ready to fight with me.

I nod and he smiles and pulls me up off the bench, I nearly fainted due to me being weak and a pained expression came over his face

" I thought you would've known better from when you were admitted to the hospital" he says. No one knows about the anorexia besides my mom and Connor and, Connor only knows because he wanted to leave hickeys on my stomach and when he lifted up my baggy sweater before I could protest he saw my ribs.

"I did to" I say and stand up straight.

***

Connor got me a biscuit with a decaf hazelnut coffee and we basically walked around the park behind the cafe in silence.

I'm now at home after getting some Christmas decorations and I had to pull my mom out of the bed after shaking her awake like a maniac, so that we could decorate the house together.

We decorated the whole inside of the house and it's looked truly amazing, all we had to do now is put the star on the tree even though all the years I did it, this year I want her to do it.

"You put the star on the tree mom" I say and she looks at me confused with furrowed eyebrows.

"Why"

"I don't know but you should, I feel it's gonna be different" I say, confusing myself along with her.

She shakes her head and laughs. She grabs the star and places it on the tree and I really feel that because she did that something crazy is gonna happen this Christmas.

Me and my mom sit on the couch and she looks at me and lifts an eyebrow.

"How's therapy going for you" she asks and I sigh and roll my eyes.

"Not good, i don't like it there mom, I continuously have to turn down Jason every time he asks me to do things on the weekend" I say and look down at my hands.

"It's ok baby, I'm sure he's not worried" she says and I sigh inwardly

But deep down I want him to at least care about what I'm doing.

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