Crashing Spirit

Chapter 5

We kept the texting thing up, but technology only keeps a romance afloat for so long. I invited him to dinner and he said he had eaten already. I asked if he was in for the evening or if I would get to see him, and he was in for the evening. Three days went by and I didn't hear from him, I wasn't happy about that and boy oh boy did I ever let him know it. Maybe I went a little overboard or maybe I'm just fed up with a guy awakening that part part of a woman that makes her believe she is going to be loved with no intention of furthering it. Either way I was going to take it all out on him right then and there, in a long message that went exactly like this....

"Doesn't feel good getting ghosted...especially when I went to our place tonight and my friends were asking about you. I had no idea what to say and felt stupid. This is why I'm alone. guys I meet have no heart, and I can tell you loneliness is worse than cancer. I'm sure you won't have the balls to reply since you're 40 years old and still don't know how. Maybe one day you will grow up and figure it out. I just wish you had the decency to to be straight up with me. I deal with enough little boys already..I guess I thought you were different." I really can't believe any of that came from within me. It was harsh, I just had so much built up disappointment that I ended up taking out on him inadvertently. He was on the receiving end of years and years of men letting me down, and his response was within a minute , "Whoa" .."Wait a minute" like hell I will. "3 days later and you say wait a minute lol" was my reply, and I couldn't help but laugh. Yes, I am the type of person that no matter the situation or conflict leave it to me to see the humor in it. Sure I have a serious side, but finding humor in things is my coping mechanism to keep from totally losing it. What is chaos to fly is normal to spider after all. 

He gets right back to me "Hang on a sec, I'm driving." I'm still in my cheeky mood and I'm feeling powerful "Ok..pull your ass over then" he senses this and replies " Lol" I say " Or call me..like the old days lol" now believe it or not we had never even spoken on the telephone. An entire week of communication through texting. It was like we were teens instead of people in our forties. I have to admit I would rather roller skate in a herd of bucking broncos than have a long drawn out chat on the phone. I used to work as a telemarketer and having a phone on my ear was like being in a room full of screaming toddlers you were babysitting, you may be getting paid for it but it was torture the entire time. Although when David called me I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. Our conversation flowed naturally and we instantly made up like nothing was ever off.

This time when I invited him over, he wasn't in for the night. He was coming over. I let him know how excited I was to see him and we hung up. I frantically started cleaning my house like I was getting a visit from the Better Homes & Gardens magazine and they would be taking photos. I contemplated just buying a new house but realized I'm not rich and I only had about 15 minutes so that wasn't feasible. Instead I lit some candles, flipped the switch on my scentsy warmer, turned on some romantic lighting, put on some music, fluffed my hair and gave myself a pep talk. "You got this, girl." 

He showed up and looked fetching as usual. Wearing his normal comfortable clothing and I was also. This was a Wednesday night around 9 p.m and this was going to be a cozy evening in for us. Netflix and chill I suppose. He brought us a 12 pack of beers to drink and he grabbed a bite to eat before he came. He offered to get me something but since I wasn't hungry said no thanks. I still have four of those beers left and plan to keep them. It may seem silly but keeping something from people who have passed is our way to hold on to them. We drank a few and talked about funny movies. I told him I can get any movie he wanted and he wanted to see Grandma's Boy with Doris Roberts. It's really hilarious but I couldn't hardly keep my attention off of him.  We cuddled on the couch enjoying it, laughing together, we were completely content.