Crashing Spirit

Chapter 10

I began a long road to recovery. On this road pain changed me. I was no longer my typical happy go lucky self and became a raging bitch. The nurses even got me a hat with a capital B on it, and I'm pretty sure it didn't stand for bashful. They had me on a morphine drip that I could press the button on every 3 minutes for some pain relief and I was watching the seconds count down until it got to 2:59 so I could snap it at exactly the 3:00 mark. Let me tell you, it's a good thing they don't give you the ability to press it with freedom whenever you like because I would've been tap dancing out show tunes on that thing. 

I then had to learn to walk again, like a newborn baby giraffe I was nowhere near graceful and just couldn't do it. It was not an easy pill to swallow of course since only weeks ago I was a  fierce runway model that slayed the catwalk. The frustration could be heard all the way on the floor above me with my screams of dismay. Yet I persevered,  because I had a goal. It was my mom that came to the hospital every day and sat by side through it all. She prayed with me, cried with me and held me through my tears. So by the grace of God,  what better gift to give her on Mother's day than taking my first steps and walking to her.  It was only 2 steps but those steps were important. We cried happy tears together and I don't believe there was a dry in that room that day. 

With every great battle rises a hero. I did not feel like one unfortunately, I had dark days. I recalled meeting a nurse that was helping me to work on my standing and sitting telling me how lucky I was because I could have ended up like Superman. I thought she was crazy, he was one of the most amazing men on the planet.  I told her I would love to be like him. She said "Haven't you heard?" That's when she informed me of the sad news of his injury from the horse riding accident. He was paralyzed from the neck down. At first I did think he was lucky, because he couldn't feel the pain I was feeling, but then I saw him and I was devastated. I grew up watching his movies and he truly is a hero. I knew I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and things could be much worse.  He never gave up hope and I never would either. 

I got much stronger after that, I worked harder and harder. I wore a superman shirt and got rid of the B hat. I changed my attitude and things got a lot better for me. I went home from the hospital a month after I had arrived. It had taken 4 surgeries in total to fix me, a lot of physical therapy and I still had a long way to go, but I was alive and I was not giving up.