Crashing Spirit

Chapter 9

 I was floating in the air and suddenly I was no longer cold, I was no longer in pain. This was in May so the fact that I was freezing before I died was very odd, but that's the crazy thing about shock... It just reminds you that you're it's little bitch. I saw myself laying on the ground and noticed my car, there were no noises or any bright lights or tunnels that people speak of. No loved ones waiting for me. Then again maybe those things are for the people going to heaven, after all I hadn't lived such a pure life. It really still plays on my mind which way I was going. I started to turn around in the sky then POOF, I was back in my body. Damn it, I was back in my body. This is both a good and bad thing. I'm alive again but the realization of everything that had happened is coming with it.

A man was standing over me talking to me, he said I was going to be okay. I couldn't move and I was freezing cold again. I was in a world of pain and told him that  "I'm ffrrreeeezinngggg" he went looking around the scattered debris from my accident and found some drapes that had been in my car and quickly covered me up. This man had saved my life. He was a truck driver and he told me to stay still and that help was on the way. He had gotten on his CB radio for EMT's and sure enough they were there soon. As I was being transported they wanted to put an IV in me, I have a severe phobia of needles and refused the IV. These people are trying to save my life and already I am refusing this help. They made me sign a paper that stated I was doing so. I feel very stupid for doing that now. I was taken to the hospital where I found out my back was broken at the 3rd and 4th lumbar. They told me I would never walk again. I told them I would rather be dead. 

At that time in my life I was working as a model, doing some runway work and photo shoots. I was set to go to New York and begin a career, this meant all that was coming to an end. I was helpless and couldn't even use the bathroom on my own. The doctors came in and offered me a miracle. They told me there was a possibility I would gain the use of my legs if I agreed to an experimental surgery using the pedicle screw and rod implant with spinal fusion. I didn't really understand at the time what I was getting myself into but the thought of walking again far outweighed the risks to me of the complications related to the surgery. I agreed to it. Little did I know this was like signing my soul over to the devil. These experimental screws were later recalled by the FDA and I'm stuck with them in my spine forever.

I spent 8 hours in surgery and they turned me into Frankenstein. They added 2 metal rods and 5 screws into my spine. They removed bone from my hip to fuse into my spine and stapled me back up with over 60 staples. When I woke up in the recovery room it was like I was put through a meat grinder. My scarring was much larger than I imagined it would be, it took up nearly half of my back for what was only and inch of space that needed operated on I was told. I nearly went into shock again when they handed me a mirror.