Crashing Spirit

Chapter 8

This couldn't be true, I prayed to the heavens no as I looked at the information and read the details. My heart sank and my stomach twisted into knots as it became clear to me it was him. Hot tears swelled in my eyes and poured down my face. I felt sick. All I could think of was his wonderful family, and how devastated they must be. I sent my condolences to them, and how he spoke about how much he loved them to me. How close they were. His beautiful sister even reached out to me in a message and told me that he had nothing but good things to say about me and thanked me for my kind words. It meant the world to me for her to send that message, because I struggled so much with the thought that he may not have cared for me as much as I did for him. Yet knowing he told the people closest to him in the world about me, and confided in..kind words of me, it meant that I did matter to him. My emotions took over and I let tears pour out of me like an ocean for an entire day. I turned inward on myself and became a cocoon trying to protect myself from drowning in sorrow. If I felt this way for him in such a short time imagine what his long time friends and family must be feeling, it would be crushing.

This sweet, loving, handsome, funny, amazing man was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. This was an extremely tragic death. 

Some would say they can't imagine what that must have been like or what he went through but I actually can.  I myself was in a car accident after I left my graduation party also around the same time he was in his accident. I rolled my car on the freeway several times. At that time I was in a relationship with a man that I liked , not love, but liked. He lived in Kentucky and we were set to see each other. He was a construction worker that traveled across the country and I had met him here in Ohio while he was on a job. That night I was enjoying time with my high school friends at a big party, we even ordered one of those massive pizzas you have to turn sideways to get through the door. I was set to go by Greyhound bus that night to leave and had my ride to the station sorted. He was a good friend so there was nothing to worry about right? Wrong. He ended up hooking up with some girl that worked at a tanning salon and wanted to know what having sex in a tanning bed while it was on would be like. Personally not my cup of tea but hey if you want skin cancer while you get your rocks off go right ahead. I decided to ask another friend that was there to give me a ride instead, he seemed like it was no big deal. In fact he was so excited he wanted to go on a road trip all the way to Kentucky. Next thing I know a few other people were talking about joining in. This wasn't what I wanted at all but I really wanted to get there and it was getting late.

Time kept passing and it was close to the bus departure so I let my new ride know it was time to get a move on, he looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about and had just came from outer space and said " I'm not driving anywhere." . He was wasted. I could feel my blood start to boil. Back in high school I was known for being a bit hot tempered and not exactly someone you wanted to cross, I didn't really want to get myself in a bad mood or start a fight though when everyone was having such a great time at the party my friend was throwing. The friend throwing the party by the way was the one off having his fun in the tanning bed. I asked a couple other people for a ride and no one was in any shape to do it but I was stubborn as hell and had my head and heart set on getting there but by this time my bus was long gone. So I grabbed a couple slices of pizza, a couple beers out of the fridge and said screw all of you I'm driving myself to Kentucky.

If you ever scroll through Facebook and see a post that asks if you could go back in time and tell your younger self something what would it be? My answer is the same every time. Don't drive to Kentucky.  This was the biggest mistake I ever made. I jumped in my car and turned up the stereo bound for the Bluegrass state from the Buckeye state, after all it wasn't that far and I had made the trip before. I had this in the bag. I was cruising along and made it a couple towns over when I looked down for a moment to change the station on the radio. The car veered a little off the road and I over corrected too much and jerked the wheel. The car went sideways, I lost control and I slammed into a ditch. My face hit the steering wheel knocking me unconscious and I was ejected from my car at 85 mph. The car rolled 7  times across the median landing on the other side of the freeway and was completely crushed. If I hadn't of been ejected I would have been killed by the weight of the roof collapsing on top of me I was told. I woke up and found myself laying in a ditch, covered in mud and blood. I tried to get up but couldn't feel my legs. When I was ejected my entire body had snapped in half backwards. There were a few cars passing by on the freeway but none were stopping to help. I tried to scream for help but it came out as a whisper. At that time I went into shock and my body started to shiver..I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I was thinking about how my Mom had even warned me before leaving that if I were to wreck I would have no way to get help. I told her there were call boxes along the road I could use..well it is a bit difficult to get to one without the use of your legs now isn't it? The shock took over. I died.