The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Forty One: Don't Follow Me

Song: It's Not Over by Daughtry

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Colton stayed with me throughout the night.

Even long after our tears had dried up, we stayed together, nestled in the dim lights on the floor. Both of us was too exhausted to even move, both of us too lost in the moment to even speak.

It was as if two shattered hearts were beating together in sync, becoming one and finally understanding that it was okay to reveal the shrouded emotions that lurk under the deceiving expressions of both coldness and happiness.

I was still shaken by Colton's testimony. It chilled me to the bone that he has always been alone. That he has always been abused in some way. That he has never even had the chance to be a child.

It certainly explains his anger towards humanity. Even his own parents despised him since birth, having not decided to name him.

What kind of cruel people does that? How can someone be so evil that they treat someone - let along their own child - like they're worthless?

He has every right to be angry. He has a right to be angry at his parents and at those who abused him in the human trafficking industry. I'm angry for him, and hell, even I'm still angry at those who have used and abused me, and I never will fully heal from the trauma that is deeply ingrained into my mind.

But the way he deals with his emotions is absolutely unhealthy. He doesn't acknowledge them and confront them right away, instead, he chooses to bottle it up, only to explode later when built up stress and extreme emotion becomes too much.

And he needs to learn.

He needs to learn that emotions are there for a reason.

I know he's pushed down his emotions to try to protect and guard himself because of traumatizing ordeals and what he's been through, but that doesn't mean he can't take bad habits and form better ones out of them.

And as I sit here, stroking his hair as he dozes off against me, I lean my head back against the wall behind me and take a deep breath.

I take a deep breath because he is going to need more help than what I can offer.

Actually, truth is, we both are going to need help. I need help, and there's nothing wrong with going to professionals to seek counselling.

I've saved a lot of money these last few months. Dagger has been paying me well and the crowd often likes me enough to tip me quite a lot.

I'm finding that I'm starting to able buy a little extra things here and there for myself. Things that aren't necessary for survival, and it feels good.

So maybe, it won't hurt me financially to spend some cash once in awhile on a counsellor. The problems I'm facing certainly won't go away on its own, and I have a feeling Colton may have some mental problems that may need to be addressed. Mental problems that were brought on from severe trauma, and I'm sure the unhealthy way he deals with emotions could be contributing to it.

"Let's get you to bed, Colton. We can't stay on the floor forever." I whisper.

He just grunts in response, too out of it to make even an attempt at speaking the English language.

He definitely has some alcohol in his system, and I also know that a sudden out-pour of emotions can drain someone both mentally and physically.

I start to stand up with him still clinging to my arm like a lost child. That's what he looked like right now - a lost, broken child. Streaks of tears that had yet to dry trailed down his face and shimmered against the dim kitchen lights. His eyes were closed and he was huddled against me as he slept.