The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Forty Four: When She Shatters

Song: Anthem of the Angels by Breaking Benjamin

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I awoke with a start when a gentle hand caressed my shoulder, resting there. "Huh, what?" I ask, looking around and squinting my puffy feeling eyes that are still heavy with exhaustion. My vision focuses on the nurse, who is standing next to me with a sympathetic look on her face.

My shoulders slump when I see a bed ridden Colton. So this wasn't all a dream, after all.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you really should go home and rest. You look exhausted, and I know from experience that some real sleep in your own bed will make you feel better." The nurse tells me.

Confusion causes my eyebrows to knit together, not quite understanding what she's saying. She wants me to go home and rest in a tense situation like this? What if something happens in my absence?

"But I can't leave, what if something happens while I'm gone?" I mutter.

She sighs, taking a seat next to me and gazing at Colton. "Nothing will happen, I can assure you that I will keep an eye on him every waking moment. If something does happen, I will contact you immediately and no heavy decisions will be made without you being here, I promise." 

I suck my bottom lip in between my teeth as I stroke Colton's hand softly. I could in fact use some good rest, and my bed does sound good right now, especially since I've been sleeping in this hard hospital chair that digs into my spine each time I lean back.

"A-are you sure? What if....what if h-his condition suddenly weakens and-"

"If something happens you won't miss a thing, I promise you." She says, looking me in the eyes with her caring, promising ones.

"Okay but I will be back early in the morning."

"And that's perfectly fine. I advise everyone to go home and rest. Sleep often times helps restore one's mental state that has been plummeted into a state of shock, and I can assure you that you'll feel better in the morning." She tells me.

I simply nod, taking a deep breath.

Then I go home to fight my own demons in the form of sleep.

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"There was nothing more we could do, I'm sorry. He passed away in his sleep and by the time the doctors came, they couldn't do anything else. They had tried to restart his heart, but he slipped away." The nurse tells me.

My world stops, the rest of her words blurring, sounding like I was underwater and drowning. "N-no, you've got it all wrong," I laugh bitterly, "I can assure you that Colton is fine. Perfectly fine." It sounded like I was trying to convince myself.

But surely, they've got the wrong guy, right?

I try to push past the nurse, trying to show her that she indeed was mistaken. "His room is t-this way, let me show you." I say. 

She stops me.

"No, Addison. Listen to me, I'm not mistaken, I'm so sorry. There's grief counselors located in the hospital-"

She rambles on and on about counselors but I'm not listening. I'm too busy sinking to my knees, shaking my head in denial. This can't be real. It's not real, it can't be. He was just here.

I bury my head into my hands, "You're lying! Stop lying to me, let me see him!" I scream at her, jumping to my feet and getting in her face. Suddenly, I feel like the mother who lost her child. My outburst reminds me much of the day I was slapped across the face in court by the mother as she screamed obscenities at me.