The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Forty Eight: One Step at a Time

Song: Buried Alive by Citizen Soldier

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My nightmare terrorized me and my only form of relief came upon awakening from the sweat inducing, heart pounding dream. I sat up in bed, clutching my chest as I gasped for air like a drowning woman.

They can't hurt you anymore. It was just a dream, calm down, you're okay.

I groaned in frustration, and after convincing myself it was nothing more than a dream and after catching my breath, I found my mouth to be dry.

I threw the drenched covers from my heated body and felt disgusted when I realized that I had soaked through the t-shirt and shorts I wore with sweat.

It was a common occurrence, and I hated it more and more each time it happened.

I felt the cold floor beneath my bare feet as I walked towards the kitchen quietly. I didn't want to be too loud and awaken Colton in the kitchen, so I had to keep the lights dimmed.

I wasn't some maniac who flipped on the lights full blast while one was sleeping, I have some respect unlike the girls in the cabin I stayed with back in high school on a senior retreat. I laugh at the memory, missing the simple times when I only had to deal with small problems.

The back of the couch was facing me, so I wasn't able to creepily stalk Colton in his sleep while I took sips of ice cold water. I resisted the urge to look at him, but eventually, I gave in. With a smirk, I crept around the couch to just steal a little peak.

But what I saw surprised me.

What I saw frightened me.

What I saw angered me.

He wasn't there.

Disappointment soared through me. I thought he had agreed to leave this type of a life behind - because surely, if he's gone in the early morning hours means he's up to no good, right? He promised. He promised me.

Don't jump to conclusions. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't jump to conclusions.

Maybe he, too, had a nightmare and needed to take a breath of fresh air. Yeah, maybe he's just going on a little jog to clear his head.

Anything but committing crime, right? Anything but getting into trouble, right? Right.

So, like a caring mother, I sat on the couch and waited till he arrived. The spot on the couch was cold, meaning he hadn't been here for awhile which meant he should be getting back soon. I wanted to be awake and confront him immediately about this.

I don't expect him to be perfect. I really don't. I don't expect him to just move on easily and forget about his past.

I understand how he would struggle to let go of everything, maybe this is a hard habit to let go because he's been doing crime for so long, that perhaps it has been programmed into his brain.

So I'll be firm but gentle with him. No cold remarks, no lashing out, no yelling - 

"Where the hell were you?!" Damn it, brain, I thought we agreed to be nice!

But it was too late. Colton was caught like a deer in the headlights. Frozen as he slowly shut the door behind him, his eyes locked with mine and he seemed nervous, jittery, drained and sad. He had the abused puppy look which is my weakness and all anger is thrown out the window.

Deep concern took its place.

I took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." I speak softly, inwardly praising my brain for being good for once.