Popstar- Vikklan [The Pack Ships]

●☆Chapter 27☆●

My hands were shaking, I was in the middle of having a panic attack and Lachlan wasn't there to help me through it. It was so difficult to get myself through my mental health problems by myself because to get through it I found that I had to talk to someone, Lachlan specifically.

He was always there and even if he didn't know what to say he always listened, he always gave me an ear to talk to. It was comforting because I knew he was going to be there when I needed him, just as he knew I was going to be there for him. It was just the way it was for the two of us now, being there for one another.

I checked my social media earlier that morning, my Starboy social media that is, and once again there was a shitstorm of comments and conspiracy theories. I scrolled through some of the comments and sighed, most of it was asking where the explanation was. It was on the way, somewhere.

For the first time since returned from hospital I tweeted, telling everyone that yes, I was alive, no, I wasn't going to be returning any time soon, and maybe, there might be an explanation.

@Starboy: No, I'm not dead. No, I don't know when I'm coming back. No, I don't know when there'll be an explanation.

Along with the tweet was a photo of mine and Lachlan's legs intertwined, easily identifiable as the same two pairs of legs in the photo from the hospital. Both of us were wearing trackpants and brightly coloured socks but because of the way that we were lying together it was still clear that it was the two of us, together, still in distress.

"Lachlan?" I asked, looking over at him. "Are you alright with me posting this? It's just our legs again."

He looked up and nodded when he saw the image, shuffling a little closer and laying his head comfortingly on my shoulder. I squeezed his hand, smiling a little.

I blinked, back in reality again. I was still panicking, still in the middle of having an anxiety attack, alone and scared. I whimpered, desperately covering my ears with my hands and curling up into a little ball on the ground, crying.

I was so scared, so lost in my own head that I didn't hear Lachlan enter the room, freeze and then dash to my side. He hesitated in touching me but after I started sobbing again he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, tucking me into his chest.

I found myself clinging to him like a little baby, my hands tangling themselves in his shirt and sobs falling from my mouth, uncontrollable. Shuddering, I closed my eyes.

I hated that I found myself breaking down so often, not when I knew that I needed to help Lachlan get through it too. He seemed to show his emotions less through tears and crying but through sleepless nights or over sleeping, blank stares and hesitation.

We both reacted differently, but the thing that was as plain as day was that neither of us were coping. Lachlan simply didn't want to talk about it and I couldn't keep it in, I was constantly bursting into tears.

"Vikk?" Lachlan's voice trembled, he sounded really, really scared for me. I think it must have been his voice that bought me back to reality, because the next thing I knew I blinked and I was curled up in Lachlan's arms, not longer panicking. I must have blanked out because I barely remembered any of the attack after he entered the room.

"I'm back. I'm back." I whispered, repeating myself because I didn't have anything else to say. "I'm back."

"Things are getting bad Vikk, this isn't healthy." I sighed.

"I know. I know it's bad." I mumbled, closing my eyes and leaned my head onto his shoulder. I didn't want to talk about it though, I simply wanted to sleep and forget about everything that had ever happened because I didn't want to remember it.

I hated remembering it in fact, I hated thinking about it but I couldn't stop because most of the time it was all I could remember. Lachlan snuggled closer to me and sighed sadly, wiping away one of the tears that were still falling down my cheeks.

"How do you think you're going on that song?" Lachlan finally whispered, once I had calmed down enough to see and was breathing normally. I shrugged.

"I... I don't really know. I'm a bit stuck so I don't know where it's going to go from here." Lachlan smiled sadly, gently massaging my shoulders.

"It's alright, take your time. They can wait, you'll find something that pulls it all together and you'll find something that makes it yours. I know you will." I smiled at his confidence in me but still I knew he didn't quite understanding how my process of writing or creating something I was proud of.

Yeah. I'll let you believe that. I thought, not saying anything more.

"Do you just wanna spend the rest of the day doing nothing?" I nodded, so ready for a day of nothing. Well, a day of Lachlan. I was so glad that he was there because otherwise I didn't think I would be able to live like I was, I probably still wouldn't be standing actually, because I knew I would have tried to take my own life.

Lachlan moved me so I was resting more on his chest, my head tucked into his neck, but I felt safe. I felt safe, finally, but it was mostly because he knew exactly what I was going through and I knew the same about him, especially now that he had told me, so we were there for each other.

My hand snaked underneath his t-shirt and I saw Lachlan's smile as he placed his hand over top of mine. I could feel his heartbeat and it was slow and calm which calmed me down as well because if he was calm, if he was okay with the situation, then I was too.

"Sleepy now?" Lachlan asked after a couple of blissfully silent hours and I nodded, not really even raising my head. I really was exhausted and sleepy and I really did want to sleep, so I buried myself into him and closed my eyes.

"Yeah." I mumbled, drifting off slowly.

"Sleep tight then sweetheart." I smiled at the pet name but finally, I drifted off to sleep."