Hired To Kill (FILLIE AU)

twenty four - let you down

song - How To Save A Life by The Fray

~"Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through"~

Sometimes he felt like he was drowning in his own demons, like they had tied rocks to his ankles until he had no strength to swim to the surface. His lungs would be choking on black liquid full of lies and corruption, his eyes cold as he pretended to be the person that they wanted him to be. He was tired in his bones, a kind of ache that did not go away with sleep and felt like it would always be something that he would need to carry. Some days it felt like there was nothing but toxic smoke filling up his lungs even when he didn't smoke, like his brain was filled with so many dark thoughts without him wanting to think about them. But then his mind was clouded in something sweeter, something filled with so much hope that it could only be her. Her laugh and smile poisoned his darkness, mixing with the smoke until it faded away, dragging him by his collar out of all of the loneliness he felt. All of his life he had been alone, but he knew that if he had her, he had no reason to be lonely anymore.

As they sat in meeting after meeting, plotting different ways of trying to get Kelly back, all he could think about was her. He wanted to feel guilty about what he was doing, like he could barely look at her without falling to pieces but he was too in love with her. He should have ignored her and felt sick every time she asked where he had  been all day, but it was as if he was too blinded by her kind heart and sweet smile to notice how he was slowly killing her inside with each lie. Finn sat there every day wondering why he could not understand it. 

It was difficult  remembering that everything was falling to pieces when she made him feel so whole. 

Finn had everyone out in the city, scoping out the hidden locations that Robert used for his oil dealings, the deals that Frank knew about. Frank had left no trail and part of Finn wished that he was alive, just so he would have the pleasure of killing him slowly this time. Every time he thought about Frank, he thought about how he had taken Millie's father away from her. Sure Robert was a terrible father, but Finn knew that there would always be a hole crawling in the bottom of her chest, the hole that lost the man who raised her. They were getting nowhere with the mission, but Finn knew that he couldn't stop until he got back the woman who lightened up the entire house just by being the heart of their family. He would do anything for Millie, and perhaps that was beginning to be his downfall. 

"Why are we even doing this?" one man groaned, picking his teeth with a toothpick, grunting at Finn as he looked through several documents. "Why can't we just go in armed? I don't understand your new non-violence policy."

Finn rolled his eyes at the mocking tone. "You are doing as I say or you can leave."

"You mean what your girlfriend says?"

His head snapped up and he hated the confident look on the man's face, Ron sporting a smirk that put him on edge. His jaw clenched and the man did not seem to care about the dangerous look on his eyes, practically advising him to stop unless he wanted to lose all of his teeth. Finn kept his tone low and cold, closing the files gently. 

"What did you just say?"

Ron snorted. "I mean, we all know that your new little girlfriend is calling all of the shots. Who else would suggest the lack of weapons? You have known how to shoot since you were practically a baby, so we all know it isn't down to you. Your little bitch-"

"Hey!" Finn snapped. "Watch your goddamn mouth, Ron."

"It isn't just me, Wolfhard!" Ron protested, crossing his arms over his chest. "Everyone here knows that you have changed and I don't get why you offered to lead us if you aren't going to let us do anything...what are we supposed to do? Plead with them to let the woman go? Tell them that we will bake them cupcakes? Keep your girlfriend out of this and let us run things the way that we know, the way that you knew-"