Hired To Kill (FILLIE AU)

twenty five - lost myself

song - Half A Heart by One Direction 

~"And being here without you is like I'm waking up to only half a blue sky
Kinda there but not quite
I'm walking around with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you"~

He couldn't fall asleep on the first night, every single word that she spat at him replaying through his head until he could barely stand it. He tried to close his eyes, dreaming of another world where she was stroking the harsh lines of his forehead, her gentle fingers drawing constellations over his freckles. He tossed and turned all night, trying not to call her to beg for forgiveness, knowing that she would want her space. On the third night he finally fell asleep, exhaustion finally pulling on his aching bones until his eyes fluttered closed. It was a relief at first, but then the nightmares came, her vicious words on repeat as she slammed the door in his face. She spat cruel words about how she never loved him, how she was just using him to get her mother back so that she could leave him in the dust. He woke up shaking and sweating, reaching out for her as if she would be there to bring him comfort, but his hands grasped nothing but empty sheets. After the third night, he forced himself to stay awake.

The camp bed in the training center was harsh on his back and he wondered how he had coped with it for so many years. After feeling Millie's soft silk sheets on his back, her bare body there for him to indulge in every morning, he never wanted to sleep anywhere else. The team kept shooting him strange looks, too timid to ask him why he was staying there instead of going back to his home every night. But now he no longer had a home, Millie tucked away in that large mansion all alone. 

"Wolfhard, are you coming?" a familiar voice chirped from behind him. 

Finn grumbled under his breath as Sink perched beside him on the camp bed, bouncing up and down on it playfully before realizing how uncomfortable it was with a twitch of her nose. "I'll be there in a minute, alright?"

"Finn" she drawled, nudging his shoulder. 

He sent her a cold look. "Who said you could call me that?"

She sighed, watching him for a moment as he tugged his jacket and boots on, ignoring her insistent gazes. He had noticed how she had floated around him for days, noticing his sour mood as if it had provided her with an opportunity. Her flaming red hair and shining blue eyes were pretty to everybody else, but Finn liked caramel eyes and soft brown curls, and he liked them on Millie. He liked to look in her eyes and see innocence, see the faith that she held in him instead of Sadie's confidence and playful flirting. He ran a hand through his curls, giving the girl a pointed look when she slid closer, cursing her out in his head. 

"Everyone is talking about you, you know?" she spoke softly, straightening up his jacket like she owned him, "How you've been walking around here like a zombie recently. Any reason in particular or are you just living up to the asshole leader image?"

Finn pushed her hands off. "Do me a favor and focus on the job instead of trying to get me to sleep with you..." his voice was low and dangerous. "Because it is never going to happen."

When he pushed past her, the rest of the crew were waiting in their usual place, lighting cigarettes and playing with their weapons. He wanted to speak up and tell them that they were using no violence, but then he wondered why he was still trying to live up to who Millie wanted to be. Part of him should have rebelled, shown himself that he did not need her anymore to control him and make him feel like he needed to do better. But perhaps if he tried hard enough, he could turn into who she wanted and she would see a reason to love him again. He knew deep down that she loved him still, the look in her eyes showing enough pain behind the cold gaze to prove that she really wanted to forgive him. But sometimes he wondered if he would ever be enough for her, whether she would always be searching for more, no matter how hard he tried to be who she needed. Finn looked around at the men, sighing and ruffling his curls once more tiredly before trying to address them all in a bored voice.