Hired To Kill (FILLIE AU)

twenty eight - believe in you

song - Us by James Bay 

~"Tell me when the light goes out
That even in the dark we will find a way out
Tell me now 'cause I believe in something
I believe in us"~

The image of her tears haunted him, the make up smeared under her eyes interrupted by streaky lines of melted mascara. He could remember the first time that he held her, his arms covering her from the cold water pouring over the both of them under the shower spray. In that moment he had wanted nothing more than to keep her warm and dry, the instinct coming more naturally than he could have ever imagined. Seeing the flickers of sunlight in her warm eyes extinguished, the flames crackling down to nothing but heavy smoke, it made something feel very wrong inside of his chest. It felt like a heavy weight attached to his ankles, an uncomfortable pressure that dragged him further down until he figured out how to make her eyes light up again. When he was blessed with the pure sunshine within her smile, it made everything feel okay in his world. They sparkled brighter than any starry night sky, filled with so much depth that it put him on edge like she was constantly relying on him to make everything shine brighter. He wanted to hold a lantern up to the sky for her, to light up the world like she had expected him to, but he could barely lift his own limbs without crushing pain resting in his heart. He was not enough on his own, and would never be enough for her either. 

Something about her smile made him lose his breath, as if she had stolen the oxygen from his lungs. He would offer her more if he could, let her steal the air out of his lungs for the rest of his life if it meant that she would never stop smiling at him. He knew that she would be smiling now, huddled with her mother once again, feeling like her world was slowly piecing back together. But he couldn't see her smile, he could only imagine it, too busy being shut out from everything that they once had. 

The days that followed for Finn were filled with nothing but sleepless nights, loneliness settling deep within his veins like a new drug. He had stopped going to the meetings with the others, barely leaving his room at the training center. The others tended to leave him alone, murmuring rumors when they thought he was not listening, the gossip causing him to roll his dark eyes that held no humor. When Finn was told that he had a visitor several days later, his voice came out in a snappy tone as he followed Blake to the meeting room. 

"I told you that I didn't want to be disturb-"

His words caught in his throat as he laid eyes on the woman waiting for him. Her eyes were calculating yet still holding some of the sympathy that he was used to, her shaky hands buried within the pocket of her dress. She looked down when Finn walked in and let him sit down before her, motioning for the others to leave them alone. 

"H-How are you doing?" Finn stumbled awkwardly. 

Kelly's voice was monotone. "I'm okay, I guess."

Finn swallowed heavily at the tone of her voice, looking down with disappointed eyes as he looked around at where they were. If she knew where to find him, there was no doubt that she already knew everything that he was so scared to let out into the open. 

"You know everything, don't you?"

Kelly nodded quietly, watching the man before her closely. She had gotten used to his charming manners, his awkwardness as if he didn't know how to respond to kindness, like a stray animal that had been abandoned for years. But despite what she knew about him and how he grew up, he was still the same person that walked into her house all of those months ago. Same raven curls and sharp cheekbones, guarded yet sad eyes with a constant frown on his lips. 

Finn rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I-I don't really know what to say...why are you here? I thought that you would never want to speak to me again..."

She sighed, "Finn...I just want to speak to you about something."