Hired To Kill (FILLIE AU)

i. - worthy of you

song - Worthy Of You by Plested 

~"I'll never be worthy of you
I'm broken, and beat up, and bruised.
I've proven all that I can prove
There's nothing that I won't do"~

She had brought so much light into his world, almost blinding him with how brightly she shone. Their mornings were filled with childish laughter, sharing deep kisses until their lips felt too tired to keep moving, settling for leaning into each other's embrace instead. He did not understand what he had done in his life to deserve her, to feel her warmth on his back like walking away from laying on the grass in the sunshine. There was so much love in her eyes when she looked at him, love that swallowed him whole and forced him to keep doing better, to turn himself into the man that she deserved. He was selfish, greedy with her and how she felt for him, not letting himself be vulnerable enough to voice his concerns that one day she would leave him. Part of him would shut off if she left, his heart stopping and lungs giving him up as if they no longer had any oxygen breathe. She was more than the person that made him smile every morning and even more than the love of his life. She was the sun in his sky, the stars lighting up the night sky to guide him, his entire reason for existing. 

But while she brought the stability to his life, he brought the chaos. She was a peaceful summer breeze while he was a dangerous hurricane, ripping through her surroundings until he destroyed everything. He was unable to control his temper while she smoothed things over with her kind heart, always willing to talk things out to sort them out. She was more than he would ever deserved, but part of him was selfish enough to keep her. 

"Hey" she mumbled quietly, pecking his shoulder as he looked over his essay. 

His tone was distracted, "Hey."

Millie smiled lightly, resting her forehead against the pale skin of his back that was dotted with hundreds of small freckles. "What are you working on?"

"The evaluation of my composition..." he told her quietly, running a hand through his hair, the curls shooting up in different directions. "I should be done shortly."

Finn had decided in the past year that he wanted to study music, remembering back to when he expressed his curiosity for playing guitar to Millie, and how it was something that he was intrigued by. Within months he had gotten increasingly better, his fingers moving swiftly across the chords and strings with natural ease while Millie watched with a smile on her face. Some days he would simply sit in their apartment, strumming his guitar quietly while she had her tutoring sessions, often getting distracted and watching him instead of doing work. She was so unbelievably proud of what he had achieved, of who he had turned into, unaware of the constant worries plaguing his agitated mind. Underneath it all, he wanted to prove to her that he could do better, that he could get a hobby and education like a normal man instead of committing terrible crimes for a living. He had put that life behind him for her and had not looked back for a second, not willing to let go of her guiding hand. Part of him had always wanted to play guitar and study music, but the final decision had come down to how much he loved her, and how much he wanted to turn into someone that could deserve her one day. 

She pecked his cheek gently. "Why don't you take a break to eat?"

"I'm almost done" he dismissed quietly, turning the page. "I should just continue, but don't wait for me to have dinner. I'll just heat mine up."

Millie's face fell slightly. "Okay..."

Her arms slipped from around him gently, hanging heavy by her side as he continued on working. He was too busy to notice the sadness in her eyes, that despite how much she wanted him to continue pursuing what he loved, she just wanted to spent time with him. She wanted them to cook breakfast together, to listen to him playing guitar until she fell asleep, to discuss their hopes and dreams for the future. She just wanted him.