Magic in Costa Rica

Letting Go

After all of her stories were drained from her lips, Silvia looked into the eyes of her abuela and saw the young girl she once was as clearly as the rising sun. Similarly, when Paula looked at her nieta sitting cross-legged on the porch, she saw a young woman more than the child she had seen just a week ago.

"That's how it ends, Abuela?" Silvia braced herself for the impact of Paula's response. Tears swam up to fill her eyes and she blinked to keep them from surging forward onto her cheeks. Paula sighed and leaned back in her chair, the sun's rays illuminating her youth as brightly as it had shone during her years in Costa Rica.

I froze just before typing the final words, fingers poised over the keyboard, hands shaking with anticipation. It had to be the perfect ending. Thirty chapters full of life and magic, interwoven with pieces of my very soul, could not be laid to waste with one bad sentence. I took a deep breath, and felt my own tears fall from my eyes as I took the final step in my journey and wrote Paula's last line:

"It's far from over, you'll see one day." Her voice drifted off, carried out to sea by the morning breeze. "Nothing ever is."

* * *

I walked into school Tuesday morning with a heavy heart. Today marked one week until the end of my junior year of high school. Finals started tomorrow morning. This afternoon, I would bring in my last three chapters of Magic in Costa Rica to Matthew and we would finish editing it together. This year, which had been full of ups and downs, was coming to a close. At lunch, I dragged my feet as I walked into the library to meet Carla, Ethan, and Mark, who were already there, sitting between the bookcases as usual.

"Hey, guys," I muttered as I slumped down onto the floor.

"Hey, Alma!" Carla chirped. Mark and Ethan waved hello, but they were both busy studying for their pre-calculus final, and paid me little attention. "Are you okay?" Carla asked, knowing full well that I was not.

"Not really," I sighed. She nodded sympathetically. "Everything is coming to an end."

"I know," she smiled, "But try not to think of it so much as an ending, as the beginning of a new chapter. I mean, sure your book is finished, but that means you can start writing a new one. And you won't see Matthew over the summer, but maybe that's a good thing."

"Why would that be a good thing?"

"Well," Carla raised her eyebrows, "Maybe it will give you the chance to move on? And take things with Alan more seriously? I mean, it's been two months of just 'hanging out' with him, don't you want to be able to move past that stage?" she asked. I paused, thinking about the possibility of not being in love with Matthew, and loving Alan instead.

It wasn't that loving Alan was too far of a stretch. I certainly loved our time together, and I looked forward to seeing him more than I looked forward to most things. Everything except, well, seeing Matthew. It was the thought of not loving Matthew that seemed impossible. But maybe Carla was right. Maybe not seeing him for a couple of months would make it easier to let myself be with Alan. Things had been going really well between us. We only got to hang out like once a week, but the anticipation just made it more exciting. I was perfectly happy with the way things were, but I could tell he was beginning to wonder if things would ever move forward between us. Unless I wanted to break things off, which I didn't, I was going to have to let go of Matthew sooner or later. I guess it would be have to be sooner.

"Yeah, you're right," I told Carla, "It's just kinda hard."

"I know, but it's going to be okay," she reassured. "Hey, do you want to hang out tonight? We could get frozen yogurt, maybe go visit Alan and Mark at the mall? Just to get your mind off of things," she suggested. I started to shake my head, but then reconsidered.