Magic in Costa Rica

Moving On

"Alma Larson!" the principal announced my name enthusiastically over the microphone, prompting me to walk across the stage to get my diploma. I rushed over hurriedly, clutching onto my cap so it wouldn't fall off of my head on the way there. I shook the principal's hand and smiled for a quick photo before scurrying off the stage and heading back to my seat. I saw my dad and Laurie give me a thumbs up from the crowd, and smirked in their direction. They swore they weren't officially dating, but my dad had invited her to my graduation himself, which I thought was a pretty big step.

I sat back down and stared at my diploma in disbelief as the principal continued to rattle off the names of the graduating class, and the crowd rang out in interspersed bouts of applause. I couldn't believe this was actually happening; I had made it through high school. Carla and Ethan had already crossed the stage before me, but I got to watch Chris and Mark receive their diplomas from the audience, and I cheered like a maniac for both of them. After everyone had walked across the stage, the principal introduced the valedictorian, and she came up to make a speech. It was sweet, although it included way too many quotes from Dr. Seuss's Oh, The Places You'll Go! The entire auditorium broke out in thunderous applause when it was finished, and we all stood up to throw our caps in the air together. I couldn't find where mine landed, but I didn't really care, since it wasn't like I would be needing it any time soon.

As everyone else struggled to find their caps, I slipped through the crowd and made my way outside, where family and friends were already starting to gather. I found Mrs. K and her husband, Jack, standing by a tree, and waited with them while the rest of the crowd made their way outside. Soon, the same group that took pictures for prom in Ethan's front yard was gathered underneath the tree, and we were all hugging and laughing and taking pictures in celebration. I was so happy for all of my friends, and while I was nervous about the future, I was also excited, and I felt incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people beside me.

After a few minutes, our huddle began to dissipate. Mark and Alan left for their dinner reservations, then Chris went home to with his dad to pack for Ireland, not before giving me one last hug. Carla, Ethan, and their parents made plans to have dinner at the Hayes's house and decided to leave. They invited me to come along, but I politely declined, preferring to stay home with my dad. Before she left, Mrs. K pulled me aside to hug me goodbye.

"Keep in touch, honey," she whispered sweetly, "I'm so proud of you," she smiled as we drew apart. I smiled in return.

"Thanks, Mrs. K. I'm sure we will be in touch," I nodded.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Mrs. K raised her eyebrows in realization. "Matthew wanted me to tell you that he is sorry he couldn't make it today. He has a massive pile of final projects to grade, yours included," she winked. I felt myself bristle slightly at the mention of Matthew. I was glad he didn't come today. If he had, it would've been too difficult to swallow my heartbreak enough to at least act like I was enjoying graduation; it was already hard enough as it was. The truth was, that even though I was happy to be graduating in the midst of all my friends and family, my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Matthew yesterday, and I couldn't help but feel like I should have said more.

I knew that I couldn't tell him exactly how I felt, but I wished I done more than stutter an awkward thank-you and give him a hurried hug before leaving his classroom forever. I wished I had let our hug linger a few seconds longer, I wished I had looked him in the eyes more instead of lowering mine to the ground. But it hurt too much to meet his gaze, knowing that I might never again get the chance.

I know this might seem a tad dramatic, but there was something about the day before that had felt final. In his note on the inside cover of Jane Eyre, Matthew spoke of my future like he didn't plan on being a part of it. There was a pain in his eyes that wouldn't have been there if we were going to see each other next week. He knew it was over, and now, after praying for it not to be true, so did I.