Precious Things || Jensoo

Chapter 5

Chapter Five

I haven't been sleeping lately. Three weeks into the school year and it's just not working like it normally does. My routine is so steady, so constant, that I should be able to just put my head down and go for it. I can't now.

I've been in complete awe and somewhat lust over Jennie Kim since the eighth grade. Since we were getting changed for gym, the one time in life I'm allowed to wear pants, and I caught a glimpse of her back.

That's all it took.

I turned around to put my folded shirt into the locker and there she was at the bench opposite. She was wearing sweats and a sports bra, with her back turned to me. She was leaning down and then she slowly stood up.

I nearly died on the spot.

For a shy kid who mostly tried to get by without attracting any attention because then she wouldn't get beat down, it was a queer experience. Pun intended.

It grew from there.

I like to think of it as a tumour. I mean, there's a lot of similarities. Firstly, it's not a good thing. Me having a crush on anyone is bound to lead to only bad things. But no, I have to have a crush on the coolest girl in school, the one that's dating the captain of the basketball team. And yeah, well, she's a girl.

It's going to kill me.

It keeps growing and there doesn't appear to be anything I can do about it.

See, I told you it was a tumour.

Not that I mind. If Jennie Kim wants to grow on me, that's fine by me. Ha! I wish. It is getting worse, though. I mean, I'm pretty discreet: I don't think she knows that I look at her sometimes. I don't stare. I don't ogle. And, unlike her boyfriend – who has all these supposed stellar qualities that I somehow don't see – I don't stare down her cleavage all day.

Three weeks of being back at school and I can't sleep. It doesn't seem to be affecting my ability to do anything else. I can still walk, still do my homework and still talk woodenly with my grandfather.

But I keep thinking about her.

I want to hear her voice.

I don't mean that I want to hear her laugh at Jongin or say something to Krystal. I want to hear her talk to me. I don't give a damn what she says. She could tell me to get the fuck out of the way for all I care.

I have no idea how to go about this.

I mean, there's no way in hell I could get up the guts to talk to her. To actually address her with words to her face.

She'd laugh at me.

That would probably be a little bit too much for me to take.

So instead I just spend more time shadowing her. Not stalking exactly. It doesn't matter, I don't have the guts to do anything about it. In the end, someone else takes care of it for me and I am reminded once again that I shouldn't have hopes or plans, because they're just going to be dashed.

Sometimes people just need a patsy. Today that's me. It's such a nice day, sunny and warm that I just can't abide being inside. Soon enough the shine will turn to autumn and then to snow, and I'll lament the time I didn't spend outside. So today I make the effort.

And I'm punished for my transgressions.

John Macauley, the prick. He's captain of the football team and everything that Jongin Kim is not. Where Jongin is tall, he's stocky. Where Jongin is brunette, John is blond. Short, built wide across the shoulders, he's made of muscle and sinew that seems to be packed on like a clay figure.