Precious Things || Jensoo

Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

I wish I'd been able to talk to her about it.

I wish that someone hadn't walked past the stacks about two seconds after we stopped kissing.

I wish she hadn't made some excuse that she needed to go to the bathroom. I wish she hadn't run away.

But she did.

And it only got worse from there.

It's like it never happened. In fact, it's so much like it never happened that I'm starting to wonder if I imagined it after all.

Jennie is acting so, so... so damn normal.

She cuddles with Jongin. She kisses Jongin in front of me. She treats me like the friends we are and says nothing to me. After it became clear that what had happened was never going to be discussed, any guts that I had, any thoughts of maybe bringing it up, sank back into the depths of me, never to be seen again.

I'm her friend. She treats me as such.

If I didn't know for damn certain that it was real, I would have sworn it was a dream.

I used to be happy with what I had.

Then I got given more.

I was determined to be happy with that too, to just be happy with whatever it was I was given. To no avail.

I should be happy that I've had one damn kiss. I'll still go to my grave in white but at least I can say I've been kissed. I replay every damn moment of it in my head, trying not to lose it. I don't want to forget the sensation of her tongue sneaking out to stroke across my bottom lip almost tentatively. I don't want to forget the raspberry flavour of her lip gloss.

I don't want to forget an instant of it.

Jennie? Well, Jennie has clearly already forgotten.

I don't know why it happened, but in subtle non-verbal ways she's made it clear that it was a mistake and that it's never happening again.

I bury it. I have no choice. There's too much going on in my life for me to be able to spend emotional energy on the pain.

There are SATs.

There are college applications.

There are finals looming in the distance.

Okay, they're in the long-term distance, five months away, but with my grandfather, it's never too early to start studying.

Oddly enough, Jennie is allowed over once a fortnight to study. It was his suggestion which shocked the hell out of me. I think it was because I was looking so drained that he felt guilty. With my study hours extended and the fact that I'm not sleeping because I stay awake thinking about Jennie, I'm starting to draw on reserves I never knew I had.

So my grandfather's reasoning is that I need some relief. He knows that Jennie and I are friends. He just can't quite pull away from my needing to study. I know that he's worrying about my college applications and SATs.

In a way, for him, it's sweet that he's found a way to kill two birds with one stone. He invites Jennie over once a fortnight to study.

And every time she comes faithfully.

When Hyorin calls, he allows me to go to her house to study, although we never do. I even got that promised swim, after Jennie swore blue that her shampoo would remove all traces of chlorine.

I'm not sure that helped...

Jennie in a bikini is possibly the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my entire life: Jennie, lifting herself out of the pool, her lean, tanned body dripping wet as her muscles ripple and I catch a look at her ass.