Black Angel (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 20: Confusion and Conflict

"So...yeah."

I awkwardly trail off into silence, unsure of whether or not it's safe to meet Melody's gaze. After sending Shawn home, we shut ourselves in her room for a good hour or so while I delivered my rather shoddy explanation of events. Now I stare down at my hands, picking at the nails with excessive force, the clicks the only sound in the room. 

"You asshole," she says finally. There's no derision or spite in her tone. If anything, she sounds tired. I look up to see her shaking her head slowly, ebony hair swaying softly with the movement. "How could you say something like that to him?"

"I don't know, Mel." I press a hand to my forehead in frustration, squeezing my eyes shut as if the action will force the memories away. "It just slipped out before I could even think about it." 

"That's bullshit and you know it," she retorts, folding her arms. "God, Gabriel. What are you so afraid of? So he kissed you, big deal."

"Yeah, big deal!" I exclaim. "I mean, shit, Mel. Tara knows about it--who's to say the entire damn school doesn't know? Something like that, in this kind of place? I might as well go hang myself right now."

Melody's hand cracks like a whip across my face. For a moment I simply sit there in stunned silence; the sting of the slap doesn't register until a few solid seconds later.

"Ow?!" I stare at her, hand pressed to my face. "The fuck, Mel!"

"You listen to me now, Gabriel." She pushes herself to her feet and glares down at me, assuming her angry stance once again. "So what if Luca's gay? We've established this. But that doesn't mean he isn't normal, Gabriel! For God's sake, he loves you. You don't see the way he looks at you." 

It's like she just poured ice water over my head. My entire chest tightens as if gripped by some giant hand, squeezing uncomfortably at my heart. "What do you mean, he loves me?" The idea, kiss or no kiss, is outrageous. "He said he liked me is all."

"Don't make me hit you again, you goddamn ignoramus." Melody's rage is now seething with its intensity; unconsciously I shrink back a little, but she only gets closer until we're nearly nose to nose. "Don't play dumb. Your feelings aren't so innocent either. Don't--" she warns in a dangerous tone, "interrupt me. You've said it yourself: you think about it all the time. You're afraid of it, Gabriel. You're too scared to admit that maybe, just maybe, you might be attracted to a guy. And really, what is so bad about that? It's still love!" She sits back down with a heavy sigh. "I had a girlfriend freshman year. Bet you didn't know that."

"You what?" If it's possible for my eyes to get any bigger, they'll become national monuments. "But--what--how--are you bisexual or something? Who was it?"

"Great deduction there, Sherlock. You say it like it's a bad thing." She rolls her eyes. "Yes. And Lindsay Mitchell."

This is way too much for one day. I groan and cover my face with my hands and fall heavily onto my back, rattling the bed. "You're wrong, Mel," I say, hands muffling my voice. "I don't like Luca. I don't like guys at all. I'm telling you, I don't." Right? Right. 

"Then what stopped you from taking advantage of Tara?" She arches one brow. "I mean, she said it herself: she could have helped you sort out any 'confusion', as she so artfully put it." Then she grins wickedly. "Then again, I'd have no problem helping her sort out any confusion. I mean, damn," she whistles. 

I sit up at this, looking at her with blatant bewilderment. "You, a girl, are asking me this? Since when was it a bad thing to be a decent human being and not take advantage of someone?" I shake my head. "I'm not interested in her, anyway."