Jasper's Soul Mate (18+)

Chapter 13: Just Getting Started

 Returning home with the knowledge that Jasper is very close to walking into something that could either break him all over again, or fix him is...difficult.

Knowing there's a possibility that whatever was transpiring between us could be seen as nothing more than a small fling is excruciating. Worst of all—knowing when I lay down at night I won't feel his weight next to mine in our bed. His warmth, his scent, and his presence will all be absent from my life.

Coming to terms with that only gets harder when the days pass, turn into weeks, and before I know it, an entire month has gone by and Jasper seems more like a memory rather than someone who'd woken a part of me that I didn't even know was sleeping.

Being alone once again should be like coming home, especially because I did. But I feel so out of place.

And that is not even the half of it.

I feel uneasy, uncomfortable in a way that goes past emotion—in a way that I want to crawl out of my own skin. I keep writing the feeling off as a result of being so down...but there are worse occurrences. In some moments, I lose sight of my surroundings and just blackout. At night, or whenever I sleep, I have horrid dreams of blood and my own death and wake with roaring migraines. At random, episodes of rage that are strong enough to make my body tremble.

In the midst of the crazy, the noise in my head and discomfort I feel all the way to my soul, a fleeting thought of Jasper is all it takes to make everything bearable. I don't know what kind of fucked up stage of depression I'm going through, or if I'm sick...I just know that this isn't normal.

"Calm," I demand myself. "Just be calm."

My hands grip the sides of the bathtub as a bolt of anger rips through me. It's consuming, and I swear I can feel the even angrier pulse of my blood as it pumps through my veins.

Uneasy, I release my grip and sink into the tub with my head resting against the back edge of it. My movements are jerky as I lay flat, forcing myself to try and relax in the steaming water.

"Breathe. Breathe, Rebecca." I coach myself through the abnormally difficult task, repeating the words and taking in oxygen through haggard inhales and exhales.

I wince when a pang of pain travels through my spine. That's what the hot water is supposed to be soothing, but it's like I just can't get the water hot enough to penetrate my skin. It's frustrating—and the ringing is starting up now.

Sucking in and blowing out air in a pitiful attempt at breathing, I bring my knees to my chest and hold them as the constant thrum and loudness grows and agitates every other symptom I'm suffering from.

My skin tightens further, feeling as though even the slightest movement will cause me to just rip out of it. The ache that centers in my head and chest hurts in the same way. There's a niggling voice that pushes me to stop fighting it, to just let the pain run its course for once. Every day, I grow closer to giving into it.

As the water gets colder, the pain that seems to plague every muscle in my body worsens. The ringing right there along side it. I try my best to continue breathing through it, putting the only known solution on a back burner in my mind because it is not healthy.

When everything becomes too much, I get out of the bath and head straight outside.

It's dark out, probably almost midnight.

Taking a bath wasn't just to soothe my aches but to prevent an even more painful one. I look up at the moon, feeling the breeze of the cold night nip at my skin. Jasper is in Stone Ridge and more than likely looking at it right now as well since he never sleeps...unless—