{troubled love} bsd x reader one-shots & headcannons

neon gravestones {chuuya}

this is kinda a songfic because it puts a lyric but i'm not going to put the entire song into this.

tw: suicide mentions, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicidal thoughts, bullying/self-depreciation, crying, mental breakdowns, suicide methods, and other things related.

please leave this chapter if any of those things are triggering and i'm here to say things get better. i'm human proof, that you can recover and you can get help. i used to hurt myself and i had suicidal thoughts. please message me if you need any help or if you need to talk to anyone.

american suicide prevention hotline- 1-800-273-8255

dm me for if you are in another country

it doesn't have to end so early.

- - - - -
you thought about death a lot.

chuuya didn't know that, as he was at work most of the time, he was unaware of the actions that you made at home. the thoughts you had, the things you said to yourself, the things you did to be pretty, the things you did to keep chuuya interested in you.

the male got into his car, on his way to his home. he thought about seeing your sleeping face, noticing all of your relaxed features as the depths of fatigue let you rest. it was 2:20am when he left headquarters, while his apartment was about 20 minutes away. the mafioso was always tired at the end of the day, with all the paperwork and missions, an executive life is not easy.

2:45am, chuuya nakahara arrived at his flat. expecting his sweetheart to be fast asleep, he opened the door quietly. the exhausted man walked to the door of the area, noticing the light was on in the shared bedroom. chuuya peeked in the room and saw you, working and awake with 2 cups of coffee on your desk.

"princess?" chuuya opened the door slowly, knowing that you're very jumpy when sleep-deprived. "good evening babe, how are you?" the overworked female inquired. "i'm tired, why are you still awake? it's almost 3am." "i haven't finished my work, i have to complete it now." you say, a yawn following your statement.

"are you ok? you've been off for the past few days?" chuuya worries. he was always concerned about your health and how much time you slept. you were an editor for the town newspaper and the paper had to come out in 2 days. editing took a lot of energy out of you, but you'd work until your head slammed onto the desk and you fell asleep that way. you hummed as a response to your boyfriends question.

"let's go to bed, you can finish tomorrow." the executive offered to his loved one. he knew that she hadn't slept for a few days, as she was practically always busy, much like him. "you can go ahead, i'll go to the kitchen to finish and come to bed when i'm done." you had offered, you went to stand up and gather all of your things but you felt a hand push you back down on your shoulder.

"you're going to sleep tonight, it's not healthy." chuuya demanded. you knew how much he cared about you medical state but you could honestly care less. he dragged you onto the mattress, the rectangle of fluff feeling soft and comfortable this time around.

"chuuya?" (y/n) called out for her boyfriend. "yes, love?" he questioned for what her unexplainable imagination was wondering this time. "how would you feel...if i committed suicide?" your head stirred to the direction of chuuya, whom was turning off the lamp in the room.

"why this question so suddenly?" he was scared, he didnt was his only one he loved left, to die. "i'd be really fucking sad, i would probably do the same thing. you're the last person in my life whom i live and i can't imagine my life with out you. i'd be devastated. i love you so much and it would hurt me because i knew that i could've helped you but i didn't see the little signs of your calls for help. i wouldn't be able to get back out into the world of dating, i'd be too scared that i'd have the same thing happen to them. i'd never leave you if you stayed alive. you can talk to me if your having those types of thoughts though. i leave my phone on at work for these types of situations." chuuya finished and gave you a huge hug.