10 Things I Hate About You / Sirius Black

Did you just use the stupify charm or are you a natural stunner?

Sirius and several other miscreants sat quietly, mulling over their misfortune as Filch lectured them. It was a Hogsmeade weekend, so everyone one was extra sullen about being in detention. Kat suddenly entered the room, interrupting Filch mid-lecture. Sirius met her eyes and gave her a questioning glance, but she just winked at him.

"Um, sir? I have some ideas on how we can improve the cleaning of this school." Kat said confidently.

"Are you daft?" sneered Filch. "Get out."

"McGonagall sent me." Kat added, hoping to change his mind.

Filch sighed and said "Let's talk about it later." He turned toward a Gryffindor 3rd-year who was attempting to sneak out the door behind him and sent her a nasty glare until the poor girl sat back down.

As Filch was turned away, Kat used the opportunity to motion to Sirius. She pointed to the back of the room emphatically. He just gave her confused looks.

"The window." she angrily mouthed. She was disappointed to find that Sirius still didn't understand. She increased her volume. "Window!"

Filch turned back around and she smiled innocently. "Why are you still here?" Filch frowned.

"As you know, we have a couple really important Ministry officials coming to visit... " Kat said quickly. Filch grunted in response. Sirius, finally realizing what she was trying to tell him, slowly made his way to the back of the room as Kat continued to distract Filch. Filch began to turn, but Kat quickly grabbed his arm to stop him. She inwardly cringed as his sleeve was slimy.

"And?" Filch said, annoyance clear on his face.

"Oh my god. You're quite muscular! You don't take steroids, do you? Because I've heard steroids can severely disintegrate your brain capacity... and also your package." Kat ranted. Taking in Filch's perplexed expression, she continued. "You don't know what steroids are do you? Must be solely a muggle thing. Though I figured the magical world would have an equivalent? I guess they're not called steroids but- "

"Why are you still touching me?" Filch narrowed his eyes at her and Kat obediently let go. The classroom murmured, and Kat looked behind Filch to see that that Sirius had made it to the back and was struggling to open the centuries-old window.

"That's not the point." Kat continued.

"Alright. What is?" Filch asked, wrinkling his nose at her. He tried to turn again after hearing creaking noises but Kat stopped him.

"The point is, Peeves is a nuisance. He spilled orange juice on a poor kid this morning and I was thinking. I devised a plan that will enable us to finally get rid of him."

"Which is?" Filch gave her a yellowed smile. She had his attention now.

"To a man as smart as you it must be obvious..." Kat declared, racking her brain for an idea.

"Which is?" Filch repeated, his ugly smile becoming more terrifying. Sirius promptly wrestled the window open and glanced back at Kat.

"A vanishing spell?" Kat said finally.

"No, that wouldn't work. I got Dumbledore to try that years ago." Filch grumbled. Sirius took this moment to jump out the window. A loud crashing noise could be heard from outside. A couple of the students chuckled and Filch turned around to glare at them.

"Oh!" Kat said loudly. "Guess I won't waste your time then. Bye!"

By the time Filch turned back around, the door had banged shut and Kat was sprinting down the hall. She was really hoping Alice's levitating charm had worked, but judging by the sound she heard, Sirius might have broken a couple of bones.