chapter 158 - don't want to hurt her

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*Danny*

Jess fell asleep in my arms sat up against the tree.

Danny: dad… I know I say this every time but I miss you more than ever, this is so hard. J-jess is my everything I can’t even think about losing her… but as the days goes past that seems more and more likely, and as much as it hurts to say it, it’s true… she seems strong some days and some she seems so gone… it’s hard.

I take a deep breath trying not to cry,

Danny: I hope you’re up there proud of me, proud of how im trying- I know I don’t always get it right but im trying so hard… im sorry im not here to look after ma as well…

I start to cry and clouds form in the sky, it looks like it’s about to rain so I kiss my two fingers and place them on his head stone. I picked jess up and wrapped her legs round my waist and pick her crutches up and start on the walk home. Jess was so light now I think her crutches are on the edge of being heavier…

I lay jess on the sofa and sigh as I click the kettle on. I make ma one as well,

Orla: daddddy!

I spin round and pick her up.

Danny: hey baby, you ok?

Orla: yeah, where’s mummy?

Danny: having a sleep…

Orla: when we go home will mummy have to go back to hospital?

Danny: um, yes baby…

Orla: will I be able to see her?

Um what do I say, god I hate this!

Danny: um, maybe sometimes baby but it’s not really somewhere little girls should be…

Orla: but why?

Danny: because it’s not… anyway should we see if nanny has any cake?

Orla: YEAH YEAH YEAH!

I laughed and found her come chocolate cake- always count on ma to have some goodies. She sat down and ate it up. I took ma her cuppa through to the conservatory. I sat down on the chair opposite her.

Ma: hi Daniel

Danny: hi ma

Ma: where’s jess?

Danny: asleep…

Ma: is she ok?

Danny: yeah, if im honest, although this trip has made her tried a lot I think it’s helped her- being stuck in hospital is taking its toil and it’s really helping her I think, seeing all the support over here…

I stop and look down; every time I think about it I just want to cry.

Ma: oh Daniel, you know we’re always here don’t you?

I nod and sort myself out,

Danny: thanks ma, for everything!

*Jessie*

I wake up on the sofa? I see my wheel chair next to the sofa; I shuffle into it and wheel myself to the kitchen. Orla was up the table colouring

Orla: mummy!!

Jess: hi beautiful, you ok?

She nodded

Jess: where’s daddy?

She pointed into the conservatory

Orla: out there with nanny…

Jess: ahh, what you doing?

Orla: nope!

She covered up her drawing

Jess: can I not see?

Orla: not yet…

I laugh and wheel myself to where Danny was

Danny: hi babe, you ok?

Jess: yeah thanks, how’d I get back?

Danny: I carried you…

Jess: dannnnnny, you should of woken me…

Danny: Their fines… come here…

Jess: thank you!

I sat with him

Jess: hi ailish

Ailish: hi Jessie, you ok?

Jess: yes thanks, you?

Ailish: im good thank…

They continued to chat for a little longer, I just sat cuddled into Dan’s chest, I didn’t really know what they were on about but it felt good to be there with them, understand?

Soon orla came running through

Orla: mummy im done!

I sat up smiling and she passed me her drawing, she pointed to it explaining it

Orla: this is you mummy, this is daddy and this is me… you’re in the bed at the hospital and me and daddy are seeing you there and this is Skyler making you all better…

My eyes flooded with tears and I just hugged her tight

Jess: t-thank y-ou baby i-it gorg-eous! Really good!

She went to find some toys with ailish and I cried into Dan’s chest. She is so sweet she literally makes my heart melt! I calmed myself down and watched he playing on the floor, she reminds me of myself so much, and I really don’t want to hurt her. And she may be upset if I have to go now but when she is older and doesn’t have her mum around for all those times you need your mum, that’s the worst bit!

Danny: it’s all going to be fine you know…

Jess: I really hope so…

Danny: it really will

Jess: you think?

Danny: I know… because you’re not allowed to leave us yet!

I smile and lean up and kiss him. I really do hope so!

 

 

***sorry it’s short I didn’t really know what to write which is why its crap! But I’ll try and make it up to you soonJ please comment, vote and fan:Dxx***

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