but maybe I need you.

Chapter 11. Over?

Almost one year and an half that Sarah and I are together. But since she works for a new movie I never see her.
She wokes up at 5am, and came home at 8pm and she is tired, so we almost never talk. And to be honest I miss her, it's hard like hell.
I'm falling into depression for weeks.. my mom is acting like a bitch, and I feel like a piece of trash, like I'm never good enough for someone, not even for my parents. What is the meaning of life? I don't know.. and I don't
want to know, my depression is becoming deeper, i feel like I'm losing Sarah and I can't lose her or I will just not be able to take it, she is why I am alive, it can sound stupid but that the truth.

Sarah POV;

I'm distant.. and I'm not as close as I used to with y/n. I don't feel like she loves me like she used to. She is talking to a new person since days, I never said anything about it, but she always hang out with her, and I'm kinda jealous.. maybe she stopped love me? maybe I'm not good enough for her. Too many question in my mind.
" b.. y/n can I talk to you? " I was almost sayin baby but then I stopped by just her name, I don't know I just feel like she isn't mine anymore.
" yes tell me? "
" who's honey bun ? you always text and hang out with her by saying it's someone, you never even told me her name or whatever.. "
" I met her weeks ago, her name is Lana, Lana Parrilla, she is an actress I met on one of your audition when I went for you. Then we became friends, good friends I don't know"
" good friends, just that? " I said hesitating
" yea? wait you are not jealous of her, are you?"
" no. I'm not " I said coldly
" baby don't be, she is just a good friend to me!"
" yea. But you always give her surname, and hugs.. we used to that before" I said trying to not look sad
" But it's you? you don't even talk to me, because of your movie and I get it your work is important but I feel like I'm just there, and waiting for you to come back to me.. "
" what? You know that I have to do it, this is work! I have no choice!"
" why are you fucking yelling at me? I'll take a walk. " she said opening the door
" no! wait I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just busy by work. "  I said but she was already outside.

maybe I should go and just apologize why am I such a jealous person. I thought to myself but didn't had the bravery to talk to her, I trust her but she looks at the woman the way she looks at me, or used to at least.

Y/n POV;

I walk for some minutes, but then I heard my phone ringing
" hellooo honeybun"
" Lana! I missed you how's u? "
" I'm good what about you? "
" I'm good too.. " I said with a hesitating voice
" are you sure? "
" yea.. umm.. no. I just had an argument with my girlfriend " I said with tear in the eyes
" oh sweetie, do you want meet to pick you up? and let's take a drink together? "
" yes, thank you honeybun"

a few minute later, Lana just arrived at me.
" let's take a drink at the pub? "
I just nodded and she was driving for it. Pub is the bar I met for the first time Sarah. I just hope I won't see her there. I'm not in the mood for talking about what's just happened a few hours ago.

once we get in, I ordered one tequila for me and one vodka for her, we drunk until we couldn't even stand. I almost drunk 7 tequila well I just get drunk that fast.
She invited me to dance and we danced, it just make me remember that I met Sarah that way, and this is kinda weird.
I still am drunk, she started to get closer to my face, and look down my eyes, to look at my lips, she kissed me, I couldn't move or say anything I was just drunk like hella a lot.
She kissed my neck and left purple marks in it.
" Lana no! What are you doing ?" I said but she still continue, I pushed her away and tell her it was faking wrong, " I can't do that. I will not I do that, and I'm sorry, but you already know why"
" I'm sorry honeybun, I really like you..."
" I'm sorry Lana.. i love Sarah, I won't cheat on her for you, you are my friend, just stop! "
" god I'm stupid I'm ruining everything "
" no you are not! I get it everything is gonna be alright, I- I have to get back home I talk to you later. I'm sorry again"
" that's okay, I'm sorry.. "
i went to the bathroom of the bar, trying to hide those fucking purple red bruises, why did she did that, Sarah is going to kill me. I thought to myself.  I put some make up on it to hide the marks she lefts, and walk until home.
" Sarah? Are you there? " I said trying to find her
" yes. I'm in the kitchen"
I walk until the kitchen, and look at her deeply.
" Sarah.. I'm sorry.. "
She get close to me, and look at me.
" why ? why are you sorry? are you okay? "
" no.. I- i cant tell you that... god why life is like this fuck! "
" just tell me..?"
" Lana kissed me.. and hum.. she left some bruises on my neck. I'm so fucking sorry baby, please I never wanted that
" at least your being honest. She said coldly
" I'm so sorry, I don't know how this happened all went so fast but i stopped her, i swear, Sarah believe me. " i said tear in the eyes
" I will slept on the couch tonight, you didn't kissed her but you still let her did that! " she said pointing with one of her finger my neck
" but.. no.. I'll sleep on the couch, I let you the bed. I said couldn't take my tears more, just crying.
" I don't think we should do this anymore " she said tears falling in her cheeks.
" what? " I said weakly, crying
" this, us, our relationship "
" Sarah.. no please, it can't be over for this"
" yes it can. We are not together anymore y/n."
She said it don't even believing in her words.

I feel so stupid, I didn't know Lana felt something about me, god. life is being a bitch with me. Can I just die already? I thought to myself.

I sit on the couch not being able to sleep, I go upstairs, slowly opening the door of the bedroom, I see Sarah sleeping, I can see she cried, I get closer to her, almost sitting on the cold ground, I took her hand, and looked at her, I kissed her forehead, caressing her cheek, I whispered, " I'm sorry, I'll let you maybe you would me more happy without me, I'm not able to make your happiness. " I let a small paper, with some words wrote.
I stand up, and close the door, I took some clothes, and go, trying to contains my tears.
Closing the door once I was outside it was probably 1 am. Nowhere to go I decided to take a trains at the last minute for Paris. I have some family there.