but maybe I need you.

Chapter 14. funerals

After two days ;

it was my mom's funeral, I wasn't ready mentally, or physically, losing her was my biggest regret, for never show any sign of love at her regard
I dressed up, I had a flared trousers with black high heels, and a shirt still black, and Sarah was dressed with a long black dress, with black high heels too.
It was 7am, and the funerals was at 9:05am, I had the time to eat a little breakfast with sarah, thinking about how I'm gonna do that speech on the church in front of everyone, I don't even know why I have to do that, I mean my sisters was the closest to my mom not me, so why I should do a speech in front of everyone, not that I don't want I mean it's about my mom, but it's just that I have nothing to say.
Sarah told me she would drive to there, so she drove until the place where the funerals was going.
" Sarah I'm so stressed uh " I said in the car playing with my shirt because of how anxious
I am
" don't be baby, you will just speak the truth on your speech " she said taking my hand while she was driving with the other
" but imagine if uh"
" don't stress that much, that's gonna be okay, take a deep breath"
" okay.. "
after 15 minutes, we were arrived at the church, men in black suits were ...
I couldn't contain my tears anymore, I cried quietly, trying that no one could see me, or see how weak I am after my mom's death.
" babe, are you alright ? "
" yes, yes don't worry Sar' I'm fine " I said, but then my tears was rolling on my cheeks
" oh baby it's normal to cry it's your mom after all" she said hugging me tightly
" I know. But I thought I would never lose her or not even cry for her, i mean we never had a good relationship with my mom, this make no sense "
" that's okay baby, it's your mom that's normal. After that you will get stronger than you are, you can cry, there is nothing to be shameful of"
" I'm shameful because I cry but I hated my mom my whole life, that's stupid oh god "
" it's not, this is.. life, don't regrets anything, this is the way life is, and well sometimes it's for the best.. "
" yes, you are right, thank you sar'bear "
" always babygirl"

We entered in the church, my eyes was red and puffy, but hide by some make up,we took a sit, and the prêtre started to talk, I was already so emotional I don't even know how I will do that speech, I started to tremble and to became really anxious, sarah looked at me, holding my hand tightly, whispering safe words.

when the man were done, I had to stand up and get in front of everyone for that particular speech. I walked still so anxious.
I opened my paper and started to read.
" from your daughters, sisters, brothers, husband, uncles and aunts, from everyone here who particularly loved you, you were important to us. You were an amazing person. I- I know you are in heaven, and I hope it give you better than here on earth, we loves you, and-
I started to cry without finishing the whole thing, everyone was crying or being really sad, we started to sing after the speech, Sarah was taking my hand for holding it once again, I just feel more safe when she holds me.

After that we had to drive until the place where my moms were.
we said some words again before she would be gone, forever.
I cried, again and again a lot. My sisters and almost the whole family were crying. God it was hard as hell, but it was how life was.

At the end, all was over, my mom's gone, and I wasn't sure that my relationship with Sarah would still be okay. I mean.. yes she stayed for me and came here, but she was the one who rejected me. I'm afraid that she leaves me once again, like everyone does.

We went back home, I was tired and really not in the mood to do anything, Sarah was tired too, so we just decided to take some rest.

" baby woke up we slept a lot, it's been 3 hours already"
" uhhh, are we late for something or- "
" no but your sisters called multiple time, they want you to see them"
" I don't have a good relationship with them, or just one but, no I'm not in the mood for that"
" okay.." she said stroking my cheek softly
" babe.. don't ever leave me please.. "
" i wont leave you, I would never. I promise you" she said looking back at my eyes, then kissing me softly
I said nothing but I let a smile on my face.

I'm sorry this chapter is kinda short but I lost inspo, i feel like what I wrote is bad uh. Just let me think what u think about thank you

- Lau<3