but maybe I need you.

Chapter 19. what if it's the end ?

oh god Sarah we are in a hospital.. it's a hospital you.. a plane crash happened you don't remember anything do you? "
" I'm sorry I don't. "
" what are we ? I mean you seems worried a lot about me" she said concerned
" we... um you can maybe guess if I show you our pictures?" I said taking my phone out of my coat's pocket.
" look. It's us we were at the beach, it's the ice cream you were dying for, and this one is a picture of you sleeping well you looked so peaceful here, we watched game of thrones your favorite tv show, and this is the one you tried to cook but it was a fail. I said turning my face to her, with a little smile, tears running down my face.
" why I- god I wish I could remember you.. and everything " she said sadly
" it's okay, you will, it will just take time " I said with hope in my voice.
" so what are we ? " she asked a second time, this time with a sad tone.
" you are my girlfriend Sarah.. or was now I don't know... "
" but your so young, what am I working on, it's like I'm becoming baby again and I don't know nothing "
" you still the dork you used to be. And yea I'm only 19, and I know Sarah you are 44, you were a teacher and I was one of your student, we fell in love and then.. you just stopped being a teacher for working as an actress, you are a celebrity here. "
" what the- okay.. I get the part where I fall in love with you it's so me, I mean your gorgeous and you are already so kind to me, but the teacher part what-"
" thank you, and yea I know it's crazy " I said blushing
" show me some more pictures of us, I want to remember everything.. I really want umm.."
" I'm y/n, that's my name.. and yes look at those " I said showing her every pictures of us, our memories and happy days.
" what's happened in this video ?" She said pointing the one with the tequila and the party
" we were at a party with Amanda, your best friend and we got hella drunk but then you just danced and it was so funny and hilarious I had to take a video. " I said laughing
" what a dork I am " she said laughing as well
" you always used to be a dork"
after talking for hours, I had to go because it was the time where the hospital was closing.
" I have to go now, but I will be back tomorrow" I said standing up from the chair, and going straight to the door returning my head to her with a sad face, because I couldn't believe she doesn't remember me, or her name or whatever.
" y/n.. would you kiss me? "
I stepped back, and get straight to her, kissing her forehead, I wasn't sure where I could kiss her, since she doesn't remember who I was.
" In the lips " she said shyly
I didn't wait, when I heard this, immediately softly putting my lips on hers, her soft and beautiful lips; god I missed this. I opened my eyes after this short but soft kiss, and she was looking at me tears in the eyes.
" are you.. okay? " I said worried
" yes, it's okay, see you tomorrow "
I responded and then closed the door and I went home, alone, god I really felt empty and so alone, no one to hug or to kiss it's breaking my heart in pieces.
I went to our room, to Sarah and I. I took one t-shirt of her, oh god I truly miss her, her scent is the best thing, I started crying like a baby missing her like hell, I'm so happy she isn't dying on something but she remember anything.. it's like I'm a stranger.
I sat on the couch, drinking some tequila, again and again, once the bottle was at the end,
I went straight to bed after getting changed and brushing my teeth, I was holding Sarah's t-shirt, god knows how in love I am, and he almost took me the only thing who's important to me. I knew, I knew I could not live without Sarah.
Maybe it's better if she doesn't remember anything she can start a new life and not making this shitty mistake to be with a failure like me. I shouldn't say that, because one day her closest friend, Sandra said ; nothing it's a failure, we are all deserving of love, maybe I should believe at those words, and then, I just fall asleep with a lot of thoughts in my mind.
—
The next morning, I woke up with a headache, feeling really bad I thought taking some rest but then I remember I had to try to make a come back of Sarah's memories, but my head was hurting so bad, good job y/n for drinking that much, I thought to my depressed self.
I took a medicine to calm my head, but despite this everything's hurt, I don't want to lose Sarah I said whispering to myself, and now here I'm talking alone.
I changed myself to something decent, a jeans and a shirt, some sneakers, no time to eat, I just brush my teeth, brush my hair and put my coat on me, took Sarah's keys and start to drive until the hospital. I'm feeling anxious, just at seeing Sarah again, but I feel like it will be alright, at least I hope, but what if it was a dream, and that she is just went to work?
I went almost running to the car, on my way to the hospital just to see is she is here or if it was the worst nightmare ever.
" hello is a patient at Sarah Paulson name is here ? " I said hoping it wasn't real, the plane crash and everything.
" yes, room 377 " she said pointing the door.
it was, fucking true, tears started to run into my whole messy face.
I opened the door, and I saw Sarah peacefully « sleeping » but then a doctor said to an other doctor " I don't think this patient will woke up" and the other was nodding.
What- " excuse me.. are you talking about this woman? " I said showing Sarah
" yes, she came from the plane crash 1 week ago, and she never wakes up.
" one week- are you? omg what- I don't know what to say, I fall into the ground crying couldn't believe that Sarah didn't lose her memory but she didn't woke up since the accident, but how it was possible one week ? I thought It was yesterday.
I went to Sarah's bed, laying down near to her, stroking her hair, looking at her, tears in the eyes.
" hey baby, it's me, please.. if you hear me, woke up, i need you, can you.. can you live for me" i said couldn't stop sobbing, holding her hand, but nothing no movements.
—
Six months has pass, and still, Sarah's didn't woke up, I don't want to give up, I won't lose hope I said to myself everyday, going straight to the hospital where she is.
everyday whispering words, listening at her heartbeat but nothing else.