Five Steps Into Your Heart [Nouis]

.15

C H A P T E R  F I F T E E N
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       It is a gloomy, rainy day, and Harry has chosen to sit underneath a small park canopy to watch the dreary day drag on. The bench which he occupies is cold underneath his body, and his hands are numb from the chilling wind. However, he does not make any effort to move to a warmer location. He allows his body to tremor and his teeth to chatter because he knows he deserves it. He deserves to feel all of the pain that he has caused Niall to feel.

He thinks back to when they were kids, still young a naive and unaware of how time would change them. Harry remembers being so happy that he had finally found an adventurous, selfless friend. Harry always adored how lenient Niall was, and how easy it was to assign parts for the two of them. Niall would let Harry choose everything, partly due to his blindness, but primarily due to the fact that his parents taught him to cater to other people's wishes. Harry thinks it is sad now, but he could not fully understand it as a child, so he, too, took advantage of the brain washing.

Of course, the willingness of Niall to be the follower carried on over into their adulthood. He always just shrugged his shoulders anytime Harry asked him his opinion on how to spend their afternoons. Despite the fact that Harry then understood the reason for Niall's selflessness and tried to cater to the blond's preferences a bit more, Niall still always took the indifferent route because he did not want to disappoint anyone. He gave up any and all of his wishes to his friends, in order to avoid seeming controversial.

Harry cannot believe he acted so selfish to the one person who had been consistently giving to him all his life.

The pain he feels in his hands and feet and face as the wind attacks his sensitive skin, is nothing compared to the searing throb in his chest. He has not eaten for three days since the whole confrontation happened. His stomach feels weak and desperate for food, but anytime he attempts to stomach something, he immediately throws it back up. He has a headache from the lack of food and liquids, as well, but he refuses to take medicine to remedy the dull throb.

He keeps telling himself that he deserves all of the pain that is happening in his body. He hurt the one person who depends on him the most, and now he should be forced to endure the suffering for his actions. Niall never did anything to hurt or constrain Harry; every day he begged the brunette to go out and find someone to love so he would not feel like so much of a burden. He literally apologized countless amounts of times for the care Harry had to undertake, and also tried his hardest to care for himself to alleviate some of the pressure from Harry's shoulders.

Then Harry turned right around and let his own selfish desires shroud the wonderful friendship that Niall has given him all of these years.

Harry tried for the longest time not to develop feelings for the blond, and it worked for the most part. In high school, Harry had plenty of leeway to go hang out with girls and follow them home, and Niall did not enter his mind once. When he and the blond first moved in together, Harry experimented with bringing girls over, but he soon discovered that Niall was uncomfortable around the strangers. He always stayed in bed, waiting for the women to leave their apartment, delaying his breakfast and his morning routine. Harry soon ditched his lifestyle in order to care for Niall full time, which feels like the biggest mistake he ever made after this whole mess they have been through.

He should have let Niall be a little more independent, now that he thinks about it. Harry should have given his own self some free time to meet people and have a relationship outside of his care taking for Niall. He never expected that the blond would consume his entire routine and life. It felt as though they were married and he was taking care of his partner; he simply became accustomed to the routine and it stopped feeling like a chore.