Hunting Sunsets

Five

Call me a girly-girl but I loved the mall. It wasn't necessary the idea of buying material things, but more the satisfaction of looking at rows of colorful makeup and aesthetically pleasing store displays. I already know I'm weird; I don't need others to confirm it. I typically wouldn't be shopping just to shop, but I was on the hunt for a new pair of sneakers.

Siya and Jess on the other hand went shopping to shop. But like any other person in a group, it was hard not to succumb to their ways. That usually manifested itself in the form of makeup, but not always. I wasn't a huge makeup person to be completely honest. I much of a cosmetics person though if I was being honest, I usually filled in my eyebrows with a pencil to look natural but full. Thankfully my eyebrows were an ash brown and not a blonde or ginger; some people could rock it but I was not one of them. I'd never really gotten into wearing much on my skin besides the occasional bronzer and the most my eyes ever saw was some sharp eyeliner and mascara.

But today it was not makeup we were hunting for. Apparently, it was lingerie because when that was on sale you had to snatch that shit up. Even a plain bra costed a fortune and that was the sad reality of being a woman. But you know what was more important than lingerie? Food. That's precisely why I'd marched our pretty little asses to get a wrap before being forced to go on a never ending tour of every clothing article known to man kind. Now without the excuse of starvation, I was relegated to the torture of clothing shopping with two other girls.

"Orange is not your color, Jess," Siya told her as the Arabian watched her reflection in the mirror, examining the brunt orange skirt.

"Fit looks nice though," I added while looking up from my phone from where I sat on the tile floor with my knees bent in my chest. "Maybe a tan if they have it; makes you look more sun kissed."

"This would look good on you," Jess hummed, meeting my eyes in the mirror as she smoothed her hands over her thighs. "You have the ass for it."

"I'm not a fan of skirts," I frowned genuinely. They were annoying and I always felt weird wearing them. Pants were a much safer bet for me, and as Jess put it, they made me ass look just a nice.

"You wear skirts every day for practice," Siya pointed out from a dressing room, trying on a new pair of striped shorts.

"And if it was my choice I wouldn't," I countered loud enough for her to hear. "And those aren't cute skirts to begin with."

Jess went back to the grey dressing room, closing the door behind her. I closed my eyes as I thought about what I was going to say for a second. For the past week I'd been looking at tagged photos on Instagram to try and find that girl I met at the beach. It wasn't like I was obsessed, but I think everyone that meets someone attractive tried to find their Instagram later on.

Smith had caught me stalking her online one night. Unlike at the beach when his greedy eyes devoured me, when he was in my bed he simply teased me. I was trying not to think about it much but that only led me to wondering why I even cared and that was a road I wasn't willing to go down.

"Do either of you know Jade Wilson?" I asked as Siya came out of the dressing room with her own clothing on and a black dress in one hand.

"No," she sent me a questioning look while leaning against the wall and waiting for Jess.

"Yes," Jess replied while opening the door to reveal herself in a pair of new black boyfriend jeans. "That's that girl you were totally into at the beach last week. She's in my journalism class." My friend had a growing smirk on her face. "She's single too; broke up with her girlfriend two months ago."

"I don't date girls," I muttered, raking my hand through my hair. Siya let out a resigned exhale and Jess's smile faded into a sympathetic frown.

"Yeah, you just have sex with them," Siya replied under her breath. "You know, it's your choice but if this has anything to do with No-"

"Leave me alone," I cut her off maybe a little too aggressively. Hurt flashed through her dark eyes briefly but she hid it well.

"I'm sorry," I spoke honestly. "I didn't mean it like that. It's not him. At least that's what I tell myself."

"Is it your parents?" Jess asked softly. "Jake said they were kind of rigid."

"Not like that," I shook my head. "He means career wise, not my sexuality. They don't have anything to do with it. It's just hard to do something you've only done once before, especially after someone you care about fucks it all up." The summer of freshman year had been a rough one. Part of me was eternally grateful my friends and my brother had stayed in Stanford with me. I don't know if I would have survived without them near me. God knows Jake wouldn't have been enough despite both of our attempts to help each other. Sometimes effort just isn't enough.

That's all I had to say about it.

"Well the only way to get over it is to do it," Siya tried to tell me encouragingly but it didn't do much to shake my grimace.

"How about this?" Jess suggested while changing the topic. "You haven't tried anything on and this will look really fucking good on you. Plus, it's on sale." In her hand was a hanger with a beautiful maroon colored bra with straps and lace were the padding of the cup would be, slightly more triangle shaped. The bottom had the same lace, but two sets of solid maroon straps that went around the hips and waist. It was beautiful but I didn't want to try it on. I always felt disgusted with myself when I wasn't blinded by my hormones. It let every haunting word I've ever heard fill my mind, distorting the image I saw in the mirror. It was almost pitiful.

"Looks hot as hell," I admitted. It would look beautifully intense against my pale skin and toned body, let alone my wide hips and tiny waist. "But I don't have a boyfriend."

"You don't need to have a boyfriend to buy cute shit. Wear it for yourself, or better yet, wear it for that mystery person who gave you that hickey the other day."

"It was just someone I met at the party," I brushed off while lying through my teeth.

"Liar," Jess accused me playfully while grabbing my wrist and hauling me off the floor. "You were fucking someone a few nights ago because I could hear it, hence the Star Wars movie on the highest volume. You have fucking pipes, girl."

A pink toned blush ran up my neck as I rolled my eyes and snatched the hanger out of her hand. "Since neither of you are going to leave me alone, I'll try it on, but no promises."

"Convenient topic change!" Siya sing-songed behind me as I took Jess's dressing room.

"Nice try but you're not getting any details!"

"I will eventually!"

I hope not or else Smith and I are royally screwed.