✔️ BAD NEIGHBORHOOD | hyunbinlix

XXXIV

UNLOCKED: 🔓

1 : LEE FELIX ── KIM SEUNGMIN : 2

[ ➳ ]

LEE FELIX ── NOT CHOSEN

when i kiss SEO CHANGBIN, everything becomes worth it. everything seems to evaporate around us until we're the only people in the world, and for a moment i really like my body. it's a bruised and scarred thing that i've spent my entire life dragging around, and it finally seems worth the struggle. when i'm kissing him, or kissing HWANG HYUNJIN, i forget that when everybody's quiet at night and i'm still awake i feel like throwing myself off a cliff, and i forget the pain. it's still there. i don't think it'll ever truly go away. but it dulls it, and for that i'm thankful.

his hand frames my face, thumb brushing against my freckles. our lips move languidly against each other. i like this much better than the rushed kisses we used to share, where my back would be pressed against the hard stone wall of the janitor's closet and we would jump at any little noise from outside.

'felix...' for a second i think he moaned my name, and i blush bright red, until i realize he's focused on a point at the top of my head, eyebrows furrowed. he reaches out and i flinch away by instinct.

'what?'

'you have a new flower.'

[ ➳ ]

secrets are awful things to keep. they latch onto you like a leech, burrowing their way into your heart and convincing you to hold them there. even the smallest ones can corrupt. you know, i like to think of myself as a fairly honest person; i rarely lie to people. rarely. maybe that's why i feel like a criminal, lying next to the two people i am in love with. because they don't know.

i mean, it's not even a bad secret. it's a good one. i've known for a while, but today i really realized. and there's no logical reason that i should keep this from them, except... my fear is irrational, and i know it's irrational, because they've told me so many times that they like me and they're never going to leave me, et cetera, et cetera. so i don't know why i can't just tell them. guess there's just something wrong with me. 

hyunjin is fast asleep, and it would be cruel to wake him (look at me, making more excuses). plus, he looks so pretty when he sleeps; i'm close enough to see the little mole under his eyelashes and the other moles sparsely dotted across his collarbones and shoulders. changbin's breathing is slow, but not slow enough. i understand. we both pretend to sleep when the sun falls; too many thoughts to fall asleep, too exhausted to stay fully awake. changbin shifts behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist, and i tense, anticipating... nothing. everything. a slap. a kiss. the abuse stays in the past, but my instincts still linger.

'you good, bub?' he mumbles, lifting his head only to drop back down on the pillow. perhaps i melt.

i nod. 'i guess.' 

i don't so much hear him as feel him chuckle. 'yeah, same.' then, speaking in a hushed tone: 'we should be quiet. don't wanna wake the prince up. he's a light sleeper.'

'are you guys talking about me behind my back?' a bleary-eyed hyunjin whispers. 

i bob my head emphatically, grinning. 'it was all changbin. he's like the regina george of-' he emits a sound close to a growl, and i laugh outright. we spend the next few moments in silence. i can feel them both staring at me, and for once the attention isn't unwanted. 'guys, i-' i choke on my words.