Til Death Do Us Part...

Life with Jon 16

The table in the living room was covered in books. Bookmarks and anything else that could be used as such were stuck between the pages and still Ilva was staring at her shelves to find more books about grieving and moving on.

It seemed to be quite a common theme in literature, although the moving on part was much more often found in literature aiming at young men and women with a long life still waiting for them to live.

"I guess we're having dinner in front of the television tonight?" Jon had a smile on his face when he walked into the living room. His bag hung over his shoulders and his curls were a little messy because of the strong wind outside.

Ilva raised her eyebrows. "O, I'm almost done for today. I can pile them up and make enough room for our plates, if you want me to."

But Jon shook his head and lifted his hands up. "It's your home."

Ilva placed the book she was holding on top of the others and then she let out a deep sigh. "My parents pay the monthly rent. And college and the groceries." She licked her dry lips. "The only income we had was Robb's." She cocked her head. "It's not my house. It was Robb's and now it's from my parents and they're just kind enough to let me live here."

"I can pay a part of the rent? The electricity bills? The groceries?" Jon placed his hands on her shoulders. "I've been staying here for quite some time now. I'm not a billionaire or something, but I get paid for the work that I do."

"As if you're not doing enough for me without getting much in return already." Ilva bent her head and avoided Jon's glance. "I can't ask you that. I don't want to."

"It's a normal thing to do." Jon shrugged, but Ilva rolled her eyes.

For Jon everything was a normal thing to do. He thought moving in to keep an eye on her and help her coping with Robb's death was a normal thing to do. He thought listening to her endless stories about Robb was a normal thing to do. He thought falling in love with her, even though she would never stop loving Robb, was a normal thing to do. He thought giving and giving and giving, without taking anything in return, was a normal thing to you.

"I know. It would be a very normal thing to do. But you're already doing quite a lot of things that are not normal to do. I think it balances each other out." Ilva looked up and with the tip of her finger she wiped a strand of hair from his face. "How are you doing, Jon?" She whispered. "I rarely ask you that even though I know that you've lost someone too and you're grieving just as much as I am."

Jon tightened his grip on her shoulders, but he kept the smile on his face. "I'm doing okay, Ilva. I promise." He nodded and when his forehead touched hers she felt his skin was still cold even though spring had officially started already. "Taking care of you and helping you helped me too." He paused for a moment. "And I had some friends to talk to."

Ilva swallowed. "I've never met any of your friends." Ilva furrowed her eyebrows. "I met Robb's before we even officially had something, at the fraternity ball. But I've never met yours. I don't even know their names or who they are or where you met them."

"That's fine, Ilva. We have all the time in the world to let you meet them."

Ilva sighed. "Jon!" She raised her voice and she placed the palms of her hands on his chest. "Can you for once not put my needs above yours?" She let out a deep breath and tried to calm down her racing heart and her high blood pressure. "I'm really thankful for everything you did for me. And I partly love you because I know that with you I can always be me and still be good enough, but..." Ilva bit her lip. "If we want to make this relationship work, we have to make this a two way thing. You take care of me and love me, and I take care of you and love you."

For over half a year he had been living in her house already. Countless of evenings they had spent talking and most of the talking had been about her. Not once had he sighed or looked bored or stopped asking questions. Not once had he gone to bed early or left the room to be alone for a while. Not once had he wondered when she would ask about him.

"You have a whole life out there and I know next to nothing about it, while you know everything about my thesis and my meetings with friends." Ilva nodded. "And I know that you think I had a very good reason for it, but if this whole research thing has shown me one thing, it's that after some time moving on also means understanding that others are people too and that they need attention too and that they need room to be them too."

Jon pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and he wrapped his arms around Ilva to press her tightly to his chest. "We can invite my friends for my birthday in two weeks?"

"Two weeks?" Ilva looked up and she felt her cheeks heating up. "See? That's what I meant! I hadn't even realised that!"

"People rarely do. Don't worry about it." Jon kissed her forehead once more, but Ilva almost pushed him away and shook her head firmly.

"I do worry about it." Ilva grabbed his shirt. "Because I'm your girlfriend now and I'm supposed to be remembering all those important days. And your birthday is the most important one of all." She straightened her back and lifted her chin. "Of course you can invite your friends to come over. We can invite your siblings too, maybe Catelyn."

"I doubt she comes." Jon murmured, but Ilva wasn't too sure about it.

Maybe she wouldn't come for Jon, but maybe she would come for the apartment, for Ilva, for all the memories of Robb that were still very much present here.

"And I'll get you a present." Ilva leaned on the tips of her toes and she pressed a soft kiss on his lips. "It will be the best birthday ever."

"I don't doubt that."