Til Death Do Us Part...

Life with Jon 20

Each and every night that followed Ilva opened her mouth to invite Jon to spend the night with her, in her bed. But each and every night she just whispered good night instead. She didn't know what she was most afraid of.

Letting him down again, turning him on and promising him something, only to discover that she couldn't do it in the end. Or drowning in all those memories over and over again, just when the pain had finally faded to a bearable presence.

But each and every night that followed Ilva felt more and more lonely, longing for Jon's arms to hold her, for his lips to kiss her, for his body to touch her. And she knew that in the spare bedroom Jon probably felt that same longing even though he never asked for anything.

Eventually, when the summer sun set late and the failed attempt at being with him was nothing but a fading memory, she stepped out of her bed. She wore nothing but her hipster, but decided that maybe she should leave that one piece of clothing behind too. Naked and on the tips of her toes in case Jon was already asleep she crossed the hallway and knocked on the closed door.

"Jon?"

For a few seconds there was nothing but absolute silence and Ilva already wanted to turn around to see if she could fall asleep anyway when she heard a soft moan.

"Can I come in?" Despite the warmth she shivered, but after something that sounded like a yes she pushed the door open and swallowed when she noticed that the light on the nightstand was on. "I hope I didn't wake you up?"

"I wasn't asleep yet." Jon let his glance wander over her body. The white sheet covered only half of his body, but Ilva avoided looking at the tattoo on his chest. Jon swallowed when his eyes rested on her breasts for a moment before they lingered lower. "I was..." He paused for a moment, but never finished his sentence.

With slow steps Ilva walked towards him. She had her fingers curled up into fists, but fought the urge to cover her chest with her arms. Carefully she sat down on the edge of the bed and she placed a hand on Jon's stomach. "May I?" Her eyes found his and Jon nodded. Her hands followed his muscles, lower and lower until she reached the sheet. Once again her hands shook when she pulled the sheet away, but this time Jon didn't volunteer to take over.

His breathing was slightly uneven, but he kept his arms perfectly still next to his body. When Ilva eventually saw his member it was already swollen and standing upright.

A smile spread across her face and she straddled him and sat down on his upper legs. Carefully she took his dick in her hand. Jon's pulse beat against the palm of her hand and Ilva's glance searched for his for confirmation. But Jon already had his eyes closed and Ilva just started moving her hand up and down and up and down.

Jon's breath quickened and the heartbeat in the palm of her hand pulsed stronger and stronger until Ilva pulled her hand away and leaned back. Jon's eyes flashed open, but he didn't move. He just stared at her, with a mixture of longing and fear in his eyes.

The palm of her hand was still tingling when she slid it down her own stomach between her legs. But the moment she touched her clit she pulled her hand back as quickly as she could. "Can I..." Ilva looked at Jon and once more he nodded. She pushed herself up a little and once more she reached for his dick, but this time she directed the tip at her entrance before she carefully slid over him.

Jon barely touched her when he grabbed her sides, but the smile on his face grew wider and wider while the frown on his forehead had almost disappeared.

Slowly Ilva started moving her hips. Her rhythm wasn't constant, but Jon didn't seem to mind. Once more he closed his eyes and Ilva held her breath when she finally dared to touch the tattoo on his chest. She could now see that the crown was silver and even seemed to glitter a little in the dimmed light. Once she had touched every line of the tattoo she let her hands wander over his entire chest.

"Ilva..." Jon whispered her name and his grip on her sides tightened. "I can't..."

Ilva leaned down to press a soft kiss on his lips and then she reached for his hands and placed them on her own breasts.

Jon hesitated. "Ilva, I really can't..."

"It's okay." Ilva closed her eyes, but didn't stop moving. "It's okay, Jon." She leaned back, but she kept her hands firmly on his while his thumb circled slightly absentmindedly around her nipple.

When his body stilled and a scream that almost sounded like her name escaped his lips, Ilva felt how the weight on her shoulders, that had built up and up during all those nights she had wanted this but had been too afraid to ask for it, was finally lifted.

The back of her hand touched his cheek while she waited for him to open his eyes again. And when he finally did she smiled and pushed herself up so his dick slid out of her, leaving a trace of sperm on the inside of her thighs. And when she laid down, half on him and half on the way too small bed he was sleeping in, Jon wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"Robb and I never did it in this room..." Ilva murmured and Jon tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It felt weird to do so knowing that Sansa would sleep here. Or Arya. Or Rickon. Or Bran." She swallowed. "It's the only room that's yours and was never his."

"Ilva?" Jon's lips were close to her ear.

"Yes?" Ilva could barely keep her eyes open but she looked up and saw that the smile on his face had disappeared and the frown in his forehead had returned.

"Do you really wanna stay here? In this house?"

Ilva thought about his question for a moment. Leaving this apartment felt like giving up, like leaving him behind, but she also knew that Jon and her needed something that hadn't been touched by him, that hadn't been his, that wasn't his. And no matter where they'd go, they would carry Robb with them anyway. "We don't have to. We can find a new place and decorate it together. Make it our own."

"I'd love that."

Ilva made herself a little more comfortable, as far as was possible, and Jon placed the sheet over their entangled bodies.

"I love you, Ilva." Jon kissed her temple while Ilva already drifted off. "I really do."