Til Death Do Us Part...

Wedding Day 20

Ilva smiled and shook hands. Her cheeks were kissed by men and women she barely knew. Once in a while she felt Jon's hand reaching for hers and squeezing her, as if he wanted to remember that this was still their wedding day, as if he thought he had to remind Ilva that it was still her wedding day.

Some people complimented the decorations and the color. Most people told both Ilva and Jon that they looked wonderful and beamed. Everyone seemed to mention Robb in one way or another.

In a way Ilva was glad that it was not just her own mind that pictured him here today, but there was also this part of Ilva that wondered what this day would have been like if it had really been just about her and Jon, about that love, about their future, about their lives.

Maybe, once the wedding was over and life would return back to normal, she and Jon would have to find a place in the world where Robb had never been and where he had never wanted to go. They would carry Robb with them anyway, but maybe it would be different and feel different. And maybe that was exactly what Jon actually deserved, what their love actually deserved.

"Congrats..." Theon cleared his throat when he eventually stepped forward. His comrades, Robb's comrades, had already left the reception, but Ilva had invited Theon to stay and Theon had accepted, much to her surprise. "His guesses about the dress were a little off." Theon curled his lips up into a smile. "I think he would have liked this one better."

Ilva smiled back at him and she reached for Theon's hands, holding them in her own for a short moment. "I'm glad you're here today. I know it's hard and painful and I know that you miss him as badly as Jon and I do, but..." Ilva swallowed. "It means a lot that you're here anyway, even though he's not."

Theon turned his head to let his eyes wander over the crowd.

More and more people were leaving, saying goodbyes to their friends and waving at Ilva and Jon whenever they felt like they would see them. The people who were staying because they were invited to the dinner and the party afterwards, gathered in small groups around the tables. They sipped from their drinks, they ate crisp and pieces of chocolate, they laughed and they cried.

"I've heard so much about this wedding, I had to see it for myself." Theon eventually looked back at Ilva and Ilva swallowed.

Most couples planned their weddings during the dark hours of the evening. They sat behind the computer to scout for possible locations. They visited shops and stores and castles and churches to find the perfect spots, the perfect wedding cards, the perfect flower arrangements.

Ilva and Robb had planned their entire wedding miles apart from each other. She had sent him letters with pictures. He had sent her choices and ideas, written down in a hasty hand writing in between his tasks. The wedding had been something Robb could look forward to. It had been his constant reminder to come home to her so they could make it happen.

"Jon and I changed a few things..." Ilva shrugged.

The first time Jon had brought up possible changes, Ilva had not wanted to listen to him. But now the day was finally here, she wished they had changed more things. She wished they had changed everything.

"Yeah, I get that. Jon isn't Robb." Theon scratched the back of his neck and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "That's fine. He's a great guy too. At least, that's what Robb told me." Theon bent his head and stared at his feet.

For a while there was nothing but silence, but Theon didn't move on to Jon to congratulate him and Ilva didn't make him.

"It's been two years." Theon eventually broke the silence. "We all have to move on at some point and I guess now is the perfect time to do it." His eyes went blank and he swallowed. "But it's true what they say, I guess." Theon looked up at Ilva again. "You can take a guy out of the war, but you can never take that war out of the guy again."

Ilva let out a deep sigh. "Nothing is as scary as moving on from someone you've lost." There were moments she still felt guilty, even though Robb was always with her, even though she carried him with her wherever she went and with whomever she was. "But I'm sure this..." Ilva pointed at her husband, at the flower arrangements, at the crumbs of what had been the giant wedding cake. "This is what Robb would have wanted for me and I'm sure he wants it for you too."

Theon smiled a weak smile, but his eyes weren't really smiling along. "He would have wanted it for everyone. He knew the risks of going there, but he went anyway, because he hoped that even if the worst would happen you would all be fine some day."

"I hope that you'll find some peace too, Theon." Ilva nodded at him and Theon swallowed while he cocked his head.

"Maybe I already did." He glanced over his shoulder, but before Ilva could see what, or whom, he was looking at he turned back towards her. "Whenever I'm ready to talk about it and know for sure what it all means, you will be one of the first to hear about it."

Ilva furrowed her eyebrows and looked over Theon's shoulder, only to find Sansa making her way through the crowd towards her sister, who was leaning back in a comfortable chair with her bare feet on another chair.

Somehow Theon's words sounded familiar and a smile spread across her face.

"I'm pretty sure I will indeed be." Ilva leaned in to hug Theon. "Take good care of her." She stepped back again and with wide open eyes Theon stuttered something Ilva couldn't understand before he stepped aside and politely shook hands with Jon.

Once love had been something that just happened, a blissful state of freedom where everything was beautiful and everything was possible. But love wasn't always like that. Sometimes love was something you really had to fight for. Most of all with yourself.