Til Death Do Us Part...

Life with Jon 18

"You didn't remove his pictures." Catelyn stared at the wall of the hallway. Her fingers lingered over the frames and a broken smile coloured her face while she saw the smiling face of her eldest son over and over again. She seemed years older, partly because the bright red of her hair was slowly fading and turning grey.

But still no one would doubt where Sansa had gotten her beauty from.

"I only removed the mint tea." Ilva bit her bottom lip. "Everything else is just where he left it. I didn't even throw away his clothes, despite the fact that I've always complained that I should have gotten a bigger part of our shared closet." Ilva lead Catelyn to her bedroom and she glanced at the double bed next to the window before she opened the doors to the closet filled with both their clothes. "They still smell like him. I tried not to touch them too much."

Catelyn reluctantly reached for one of his shirts and she brought it to her nose. The smile on her face brightened, but tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks leaving behind a trail of salt and smeared out make up.

Ilva licked her lips. "I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you by really doing this."

Catelyn looked up and furrowed her eyebrows. She let the shirt go and turned towards the girl who should have become her daughter in law, the mother of her grandchildren.

"I never wanted to hurt you and sometimes..." Ilva hesitated and bent her head to avoid Catelyn's piercing glance. "I still feel guilty about it. The dead can't talk, so I can't ask Robb what he would have wanted, but Sansa assured me that he would have wanted me to be happy and that he would have wanted Jon to be happy. And then there was a blue butterfly, right before Jon and I kissed for the very first time in the park..." She looked up again and saw Catelyn's tears rolling down her neck into her shirt. "I'm sorry."

The tips of Catelyn's fingers touched Ilva's cheek while she wiped a few strands of loose hair from her face. "You shouldn't be saying sorry." She whispered. "You've lost my son when you were barely twenty years old. You were unmarried and had no children. All he left behind were memories, bills to pay and a hole in your chest. You shouldn't be sorry for filling it."

Ilva bent her head and closed her eyes. "But it would have been easier for you if I had chosen to fill that hole in my heart with someone else and not with Jon."

"I already told you that I will never understand what you all see in Jon, but if Jon truly makes you happy, I don't want you to feel sorry for it." She placed a hand in Ilva's neck and her lips kissed Ilva's forehead. "You will always stay my daughter in law and I'm glad that Robb made you part of our family."

Ilva blinked a few times to prevent herself from crying, but eventually she couldn't fight the tears any longer and set them free. "I will always keep on loving Robb. No matter how many years will pass, no matter what future is waiting for me. I will always keep on loving Robb and there will always be room for him in my heart."

"I know." Catelyn leaned back again and stared straight into Ilva's eyes. "As will I, as will his siblings and as will even Jon."

Even though Ilva felt the need to defend Jon, she swallowed all her words away and simply nodded. Ilva knew that no matter what she would say and no matter what she would do, Jon would always be that one child Ned had had that wasn't Catelyn's, a walking reminder of that one time Ned had broken all his vows and promises, the personification of the fact that the man she had loved and lost had not just been hers.

"I should probably be going. Sansa and the others are most likely in the car by now and want to go home." Catelyn stepped back and stared at the closet with Robb's clothes once more. "If you ever feel like those clothes take up too much space or if you ever feel ready to let them go, I would love to have them." She didn't give Ilva the chance to reply but left the bedroom.

Ilva knew that she should go after Catelyn, should wave her goodbye like a proper hostess would, but instead she reached for the shirt Catelyn had touched and breathed in the smell of Robb Stark that had once been filling the entire house, even in his absence.

"Everything alright here?" Jon walked into the bedroom and watched Ilva holding on to Robb's shirt with tears rolling down her cheeks. Within a few steps he was with her and had his arms wrapped around her to rock her back and forth.

Ilva breathed in and out and in and out. She let the shirt go again and closed her eyes. Today was Jon's birthday and she would not end it crying in his arms about Robb, not today. "I think we have a few slices of cake left in the living room." She closed the closet and wiped the tears away. "And I bought you that new Marvel movie we've seen in the cinema together."

A smile spread across Jon's face and he let his forehead rest on hers. "I've had enough cake for today." He whispered and his nose brushed hers. "And we can watch that movie tomorrow or the day after or the day after." He pressed her a little closer to his chest and then his lips brushed hers. "Thank you for the birthday party and the presents."

Ilva smiled at him and closed her eyes while she kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Actually..." She took a deep breath. "I was thinking about giving you one more present, apart from the Marvel movie." She bit her lip and kissed him again while she used her body to guide him towards her bed. "Happy Birthday, Jon Snow."