Til Death Do Us Part...

Life with Robb 17

Her study book laid open on the table, but her eyes were more focussed on the clock on the wall ticking away the minutes. In a few days she had an important exam, but she couldn't really focus on reading, let alone on remembering anything.

A few hours ago Robb had left the apartment to take his physical tests and interviews. He could come home any moment now. Either he would be heartbroken because he had not gotten in. Or he'd tell her that he had made it and that he would follow in his father's footsteps.

Ilva was not quite sure yet what she preferred.

Of course, she loved him and she knew that he couldn't live on like this forever. There was no light in his eyes when he left the apartment for work each day. There was no joy in his voice when he came home and told her he had survived another evening. Most evenings he was too tired to even kiss her goodnight before he fell in an almost comatose sleep. And on his rare days off he had been browsing the newspapers and the internet for something else, for something that would get them the income they needed without it sucking all the life out of him.

Of course she was glad that he had now found something he was passionate about, something he looked forward to, something that made him smile again, that brought back that beautiful glimmer in his eyes. But she was not sure if Robb truly realised what joining the army meant, what he was signing up for, what he was getting himself into. Even though he should know it far better than she did.

He had lost his father. His father had joined the army, had left for a mission in Iraq and had never returned. Ned Stark had left behind a wife and six children, some of them old enough to mourn and miss him, some of them too young to even remember who he had been, how his voice had sounded, how he had smiled at them and how he had held them.

What if something like that would happen to Robb? What if they would send him abroad to fight a war that wasn't his to fight and what if he would never return?

Ilva shook up when Robb opened the front door of their apartment. His footsteps echoed through the hallway, but Ilva kept herself from rushing towards him. She read the same sentence in her book over and over again while she heard Robb taking off his jacket and his shoes. She read the next same sentence over and over again while she counted the seconds until he would enter the living room.

"Ilva?"

Ilva looked up.

Robb's face gave nothing away. His lips were forming a straight line and his curls were still covered in sweat and glued to his forehead. But then his eyes started shimmering and his mouth started smiling. "It seems that there are tests I can pass with flying colours."

Ilva stood up from her seat and walked towards him while she forced herself to smile back at him. She threw her arms around his neck and she pressed her lips on his. "Congratulations, soldier." She whispered. "I'm very proud of you." She meant the words, but she didn't mean her happiness.

Robb placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled back. The smile on his face disappeared again and he cocked his head before he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her to his chest. "I told you that we would talk about this once we knew whether or not joining the army was an option. If you are so opposed to me joining, I will simply tell them that I have changed my mind."

For a few seconds Ilva was tempted to tell him that she really didn't want him to do it, that she was too afraid of what could happen, that she loved him too much to let him go. But she knew it was selfish. She would condemn him to a life filled with jobs he'd hate. She'd turn the joyful prince she had fallen in love with into a soulless body. The smile he had just smiled, that light that had just returned to his eyes, she would chase it away and she doubted if it would ever come back.

So instead of taking his offer she closed her eyes and held him firmly. "You should do what makes you happy, Robb Stark." She buried her nails in his back. "And if joining the army is what makes you happy, I will support you and I will be happy for you that you've finally found what you want to do with your life."

Robb's hands went through her hair and he planted soft kisses on her forehead. "Ilva the Winter..." He rocked her back and forth in his arms, but Ilva refused to cry the tears burning in her eyes. "You are by far the very best thing that has ever happened to me."

But she was not enough. She was not enough to make him happy.

"Have you told your mom the news already?" Ilva eventually looked up.

Robb shook his head. "I wanted to tell you first." He smiled, but the smile was not as broad as it had been a couple of minutes ago. "I could use your support when I will tell her that I will follow in my father's footsteps." He bent his head and stared at his feet. "I know the wound of losing him has never truly healed and I am certain she would prefer me being safe over me doing the right and honourable thing."

Ilva couldn't blame her. "My exam is in two days. We can visit your mom and siblings as soon as it's over and tell them face to face?"

Robb licked his dry lips. "I doubt she will take it very well." He scratched the back of his neck, but Ilva reached for his hands and leaned on the tips of her toes to kiss him again.

"That's why you have to do it like this. You can't just call her with news like this. She has to see you. She has to see how happy it makes you." She pressed the palm of her hand to his stubbled cheek. "Your mother loves you maybe even more that I do. If she sees how happy it makes you, she'll understand why you have to do this."

Robb once more wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up. "Can I borrow you a few minutes from your study book?" His warm breath touched her ear and Ilva now knew for sure that the army was probably the second best thing that had ever happened to him. "I might not have been the best lover lately and I would like to make up for it."

"As if I could focus on studying when you offer me love instead."