Something more

I didnt know...

~~~ This my trigger some and I am terribly sorry..but I felt that I needed to add this..~~~
————————————————————————
I push the thought in the back of my head and continue on. The cold breeze of the AC hitting my faces sharply. I start to shiver as I open the door to my room. The creak of the door filling the sound of nothing. I slip inside, I walk towards my closet and open it swiftly. I reach for my eyes as my head starts spinning. My vision a little off. I look at the top shelf and reach for the bottle of pills. I read the prescription and nod as I open the bottle, it makes a click before the tap falls off ~Dammit~ I reach down and grab something cold, I pull it out and it's a metal box. ~Hmm I don't remember this being here~ I pull it out fully and slowly open it. I jump back and cover my eyes. I start to tremble as the image stays burned in my retina, a gray, metal box. Inside a black, velvet surface. With a small razor blade and some rubbing alcohol. On the side is some bandages and wipes. The image is so clear I shake my head and it stays, watching me. I wipe my eyes and sprint to the bathroom. I fix myself so that it doesn't look like I've been crying. Seán calls me from downstairs and I come down quickly. I smile big as he opens his arms in a hug. He holds me tight as he smiles softly "You finished breakfast love?" I nod a little "Good..." Julia stars cackling as Miles is on the floor in front of Danica and her. Danica smiles "It's ok love.. Nothing to be ashamed of.." Miles nods as I shrug and look up at Seán. His light blue eyes looking at my E/C ones. He puts his head on mine, his soft white skin on mine. He nuzzles me gently and I blush more. I feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter. He pulls away and swiftly goes to the kitchen. He disappears from my sight.,I feel my eyes go from a glimmering lust to a dull and gloomy shade. I walk to the couch and sit on the back side. I watch Danica, Julia and Miles just make nonsense while me...my mind slips off to a place where it's clouded. Nothing but problems and negative thoughts. I start to shiver a bit and stare off. Not noticing Seán calling my name, I start to think...Why did Seán do that? Why does he STILL do it...is it my fault? It has to be...everything is my fault...this is no different. "Y/N...Y/N!" Seán shakes me gently as I snap out of my realm. I look at him with a blank expression..he starts to fidget and hugs his arm.  My had shakes...I feel it. I put it in between my legs to stop it...it helps a little.  He looks at me with puppy dog eyes "Are you ok? You didn't respond to any of us..." "I-I'm Sorry...I was day dreaming..." I say shakily. Miles stands up "Hey Julia, Danica and I are going to the park so...you guys stay here..ok bye!" He ushers everyone out as I nod in thanks ~Glad he can take a hint~ I smile a bit. Seán nods as he hugs me from behind "You saw it...didn't you?" I take my hand out of my leg and it shakes horribly.. "I'm sorry..." "What?! For what?!" "Because it's my fault you cut..." he looks at me shocked "No! It's not! It's because...because I feel like my problems don't matter as much as everyone else's...better to keep them to myself...but I broke and it hurt me inside...and to distract that...I made pain on the outside ...pain that I can control... it got out of hand..and I can't stop..." I tremble as I hugs Seán tightly "Y/N...I cant breath...let go..." "Shut up...just shut up and let me hug you.." he nods and hugs me back. Tears flood out of my eyes as he nuzzles me. He sighs and I look up at him "I'll help you..,and I want you to tell me all your problems...they don't bother anyone...whenever you have to say something...say it to me..forever and always.." I smile as he kisses me "T-Thank you...But how can I stop? It's addicting now..." I put a finger to his lip as I run upstairs. I grab the box and come downstairs "Seán I need you to look at this and say you don't need it...and mean it.."
Seán looks at it and stays silent. We stay like this for 20 minutes until he looks at me... "I don't need it...I only need you.." he kisses my cheek as I nods. "Me too love me too.."I open the box and take the bandages out. I close the box and take Sean's hand. We walk outside in the back and I throw it in the big dumpster. Seán smiles a bit as he holds my hand tighter. We make our way back and I take the bandages "Babe...I need to see your arms.." he winces and his lip quivers. His normal shimmery, shining blue eyes are a gray, faded and filled with fear. I hug him tightly "It's ok love...I won't hurt it..."he nods and after a couple minutes..he rolls his sleeves up. I reach down and kiss his arms. He starts to cry and I smile. I kiss his cuts and bandage his arms up. He hugs me tightly. A little wind gets knocked out of me but at this point...I don't care. I only want him in my arms. Seán looks down at me and smiles "I love you so much...I'm so grateful that your in my life...thank you for making me a better person...I love you" He says softly. I tear up as I smile "I love you too...you can always talk to me...always. No matter what you want to talk about I'll always be here for you" he cries more and nods "Ok love...ok.." All that is needed now...is time...