Her Royal Badass|✔

27|

Snow Carr Northridge
   
    It's been three weeks since I started this whole facade with Damien and need I say, I have become very very very fond of him. When we hang out together, if he's not busy staring at and making fun of Carrie, he's trying to frustrate me and suffocate me with his ego and humor. I do like him.

     I walked towards the window and stared at the skyline, everything looked calm and peaceful. If only I could have that kind of peace, if only I could be like Carrie, with a man who loves me helplessly like Damien loves her, even though she's too blind to see it. It's been three weeks and I feel like Ian barely noticed I have been keeping late nights and receiving calls that extended into the night, although most of them were always from his sisters anyway.

     It was already nearing 8pm and Ian wasn't home yet, I would have to heat up dinner if he was going to eat a warm food. He wasn't supposed to stay out this long today and I itched to pick up the phone and call him but the plan was to stay away, the plan was to not act desperate even though it was killing me. Would I be so wrong to show that I was desperate?, I desperately needed to be loved by him, I needed him to know just how much I love him, just how much I ache for him, just how much I want to be more than just a surrogate to this beautiful bundle of joy that I already love more than life.

   The thought of giving this baby up always made bile rise in my throat, how would I go back to living life and pretending I didn't have a child who came out from me, a child who I nursed in early years, a child who I have grown to love. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to walk away, it wasn't just the baby, it was the baby's father. I didn't want to leave Ian behind, I didn't want Ian to think I love someone else, I didn't want to continue pretending, I wasn't good at it anyway.

      I heard the lock turn and my breath caught in my throat, the door opened and he strolled in, looking every inch of the perfection that he was, that he is. Our eyes met and I didn't know wether to make the first move or to wait for him to say something.

      "You're late" my heart got the better of me and I asked. He sighed and ran his hand through his already tousled hair. He looked tired and his eyes held various emotions, anger being the most prominent. What did I do now?

     "I had things to think about" he said and I embraced my bulging belly and turned around to face him fully.

      "Wanna talk about it now or after dinner. I cooked dinner but I'm going to have to heat it up before...."

       "What's going on Snow?" He asked, the anger now seeping into his voice. Well, I guess he wants to talk about it now.

        "What do you mean what's going on. I have no idea what you're talking about" I said. Times like this are when I wished I had something to do, to keep my  hands busy and to avoid myself looking into his angry eyes that still somehow managed to make my nerves become fritzy.

        "I don't know what is going on but who is the new guy you've been hanging out with. Paparazzi caught a picture of you with a certain guy, having the time of your life and being so carefree, I had to pay him off not to release it. You are already keeping late nights and it's a miracle I even met you home today, let's not mention the late night calls. What is going on?. I deserve an explanation" he said and I sighed.

        "I am not cheating on.... Well, sleeping with another guy wouldn't even be cheating since we're not together.. But whatever, I am not doing anything wrong with him. He's a new friend that I happen to be very comfortable with" I didn't lie. Right?

       "Oh really. What kind of friendship requires you keeping late nights and having midnight calls. You are a married woman Snow, a pregnant married woman. Don't forget you're the crown princess too" He said and I started to get mad too. Why make me carry that title when he only treats me like a roommate.