My Guardians

Pizza and Happiness

“So, you think you can leave me now the you have those boys, huh?” John spat in my face.  My heart was slamming against my chest as he was creeping closer and closer to me.

 “Lets make a deal then, give me what I want for one night then I’ll let you leave as you please.”

I was backed into a corner now with no chance of escape.  A deal? He wanted to make a deal? “Never.” I said. 

“Fine then.” He said in a dark tone, “I’ll just take it.”  He lunged at me knocking me into the wall behind me.  I tried to scratch and claw my way away from him but nothing was working.  My hair was being pulled and before I knew it he slammed my head into the wall rendering me unconscious for a few moments that he took to his advantage. 

When my vision started clearing up I was on a bed with my hands restrained above my head.  That’s when the panic set it.  “When are you going to learn that I get what I want?”  John whispered into my ear while he ran his hand over my breast, stopping to pinch my nipple. 

Tears pooled in my eyes as I begged him to stop.  “Please, don’t do this. Please, please, please” I just kept repeating myself even though in the back of my head it was going to happen.  He was going to rape me. 

He wrapped his long fingers around my throat and looked me straight in the eyes.  “You know you want it.  You can put out for those boys but not for me?  You made me do this,  we could have done this the easy way  but you just wouldn’t give it up.”  He said as his other hand slipped lower and lower until it reached my shorts. 

I was already struggling to obtain air but his grip was so tight and I was starting to see little black dots when I felt my shorts being dragged down my thighs.  I thrashed all around trying anything to get away but I was fighting a battle I had already lost. 

He was touching me and I was fading away, becoming lost in my mind as I desperately tried to block out the feeling of his hands all over my body.  I heard the feint sound of a zipper and a grunt.  “No, please!” I tried to beg one last time but I was a goner.  He rubbed himself over my entrance and-

“Funny how everytime you push me away…”  Issues blared from my phone. 

My eyes opened wide looking around my room, not believing what I just dreamed?  It was so real.  My eyes were wet from crying and I was on the verge of hyperventilating.  His hands are still on my body, I can feel them but he isn’t physically here.  I stumbled into my bathroom looking for the one thing I knew would clear my head. 

Once I found it I turned the shower on hot and stripped my clothes as fast as I could because he touched me and I didn’t do anything about it.  I set the razor down on the side of the bathtub and closed the shower curtain.  I went to reach down for the blade but a thought stopped me.

  What would Jordan and Douglas think if they found out? 

The urge to cut no longer filled my entire being.  I had to wait until I knew I wouldn’t see them for at least 2 days.  I stood under the water, letting it sooth me taking John down the drain with it. 

I dried off and picked up everything, putting the piece of metal back under the sink.  I’m in the mood for some sweats today.  My favorite pair was black and tight around the ankles.  I fished it out of my dresser along with my real friends band tee.