Dear me

Letter 2

May 30th
1:13 PM...
Things are starting to look better, I got three of my exam scores back and passed them all. I watched my Latin teacher grade my exam in front of me, which was terrifying to say the least. I have one more exam, just one. Then I graduate from this hell of an education system. I can't express the feelings of relief and sadness I feel. I'm saying goodbye to people who have supported me for years, some I consider to be family. It's a big deal knowing that come graduation I might be saying goodbye forever. High school was a experience that I can't describe, one moment I was happy and the next I was wishing to be run over by an 18 wheeler hoping the anxiety and pain would disappear. It's scary how fast you're mood changes when you see that slip of paper saying either you passed or failed. The anxiety of it all causes you freak, and the tears just come rushing out. For me that happened quite frequently. Not to mention I was so close to failing my senior year that all I could think was of how big of a disappointment I was, or why do I even exist? Those thoughts lingering in my head for months. I use and sometimes still do cope by biting the inside of the thumb and pointer finger, which I highly don't recommend. It hurts like hell, but it was something I did. Now this letter/diary isn't a plea for attention or shit, it's for me to look back on. Might also give someone hope, someone might be able to relate. So my advice is to take care of yourself, surrounded yourself with people who love you. Cut off the toxic people, which is something I plan to do soon. I've started to realize who I can and can't trust in this world. A part of me wishes I noticed sooner and a part of me wishes I never did. I hate knowing the people I trusted turned out to be complete assholes and bitches. It's funny how I look back and see the memories we had, and now it's like we are complete strangers. Anyway a positive side to this is I've found an amazing person in my life. I'm trying not to develop feelings for them until later when it's the right time. I just want to talk to them and not completely blush uncontrollably. I've been down that road and it messed me up so fast. I can't say for sure if anything will happen, for now I just want to talk to this person. Also talk to those I love, build our relationships and spend our final moments together. It should be fun! Oh lastly, a guy confessed to me that he liked me, I did turn him down but I hope he still wants to be friends. That's happened yesterday on the 29th of May. Anyway that's all for today.

Love
Sav