Dear me

Letter 7

Dear me
June 18th, 2019
9:25 am
Hey it's kinda been a hot minute, almost a week I think. I have a lot to talk about so this might be a long one. So over this week I started a few job, worked my other job, went to Hero's Con, somehow dating this amazing person. Well you get the point, but I've also start to hit a wall again. My anxiety hits me at night and I haven't been sleeping well, it might be because a lot of change has happened. I honestly don't know but it's worrying me slightly. This morning I woke up a cried a little cuz all the bad thoughts came to mind. Pretty much my biggest fears when's with people. Like the fear I'm losing someone I care about, the fear that I'm putting to much effort into something that someone wants nothing to do with. Those types of thoughts flooded my mind, the past two nights have been the worst honestly. I have a theory and that's because I've gotten really use to Skyping someone then when I didn't it was out of the norms and I thought it was my fault, which is stupid but that's the thought I came to right then and there. It's scary how my mind goes from being so happy to absolute fear in a matter of seconds. Honestly right now as I type this I'm holding back tears, it's my first day off from anything big. Which means work and con, I'm so glad it is. I need a day to myself, or at least a day where I don't need to stress or something. My mind is mush right now and has been for a while. To put it to you briefly I'm not at my usual mindset. Guess it's what happened when you need to adult? Anyway the sleep issue is kinda annoying, I blame myself honestly for it. Now some good news, today is a week with my boyfriend. Not much to celebrate but he's honestly amazing. It's hard to describe it but the way he looks at me takes my breath away, his eyes are so adorable like holy hell. His smile really brightens my day, at least when he does smile. Talking to him really puts my mind at ease. He found out I cosplay, and when he found my account he kept commenting on how good everything was. I flipped out and thought the world was going to end, like it was terrifying to find out he knew. Tho he's been supportive which I'm thankful for. He's someone I really care about, someone I wouldn't mind loosing sleep for. Lastly, when I was at the con a bunch of little kids ran over asking for photos. So I've decided to be a Disney Princess for the next con and I'm so excited! Hopefully it will all work out! I was Rapunzel for a Halloween party like 3 years ago and now I'm going to be her for an actual cosplay! I'm super stoked!!!! Well that about covers everything, I needed to get stuff off my mind. Bye for now!

Love
Sav