The Lost and Hidden Years

Chapter One

Part One

The ring of the telephone had shaken the middle-aged blonde out of her deep morning thoughts. Agnetha had been sitting, staring for an hour at the calm snowfall outside of the sunroom of her house. She sat with a cup of coffee between two pale hands. She already couldn't wait for the warm sun to melt the snow and bring back the life in the trees and landscapes outside of her home. She knew however, there's still four months ahead until the change of Sweden's season.

The thought and fear of leading her life into the wrong direction was keeping her with the constant guilty conscience. Am I still a good mother? All the secrets I have carried for years... what should happen if they became known to them? Would they still respect me if they knew?

Her children, she had always missed whether she saw them often or not. That casual relationship she held hidden between her and her neighbor. The ex-husband that never allowed her to forget what they had shared together. His wife, who made it impossible for her to live without misery. The friends who listened to her struggles, and attempted step in to save her from her own damaging world she had created for herself. They were attempts made in vain. They didn't know the weights she carried on her own.

Björn Ulvaeus.

They've shared a history, but it is long from having an end. Not as long as they continue to reunite together for the most important days of the year: Christmas and birthdays.

"Hello?" She had finally got to answering the obnoxious ring.

"Agnetha," the masculine voice spoke her name. It was soft and low, and immediately gave her heart a flutter. "Hi."

"Hi... Björn," she greeted him in return. Both knew their conversations well. It begins with a call that evolves into small talk, until the point of the call happens.

"How are you?" They asked one another.

But they both knew. What could he say to her? What could she say to him? Everything they held back from saying for fourteen long years? It wouldn't be possible, even if they had twenty-four straight hours to catch up. They carried on with the small talk as usual, taking their time selecting their words to say to one another, already fearing the moment the call ends.

"I, uh, know we do this every year, for just about everything," he began.

"Christmas?" She smiled as she tucked in her bottom lip.

"Yes," he smiled, too, already relieved. It was in truth too soon to begin planning for their holidays. Björn needed an excuse to hear her voice and she felt it.

"Of course, I'll be there."

Both paused for a few moments listening to the static, the wind on the outside of both of their windows in their respective homes, and stared into the openness, wondering what the hell they had both been up to. They speak occasionally, yes, mostly when they need to. Their children were their strongest connection. It wasn't that they were not close. They get along quite well, but the history of their relationship came with a consequence, one neither of them liked.

Björn's heart thumped fighting urge to spill the words from his lips, though he couldn't. He had made that promise. He stuck his hand in his pocket and turned to the desk in his office, while his other hand held the phone to his ear.

"Should I bring anything? Presents, of course, but anything else?"

"Just yourself, Agnetha. It's more than enough." After a short moment, she replied.

"Okay. I'll bring a meal. I don't know what, but I'll figure something out."

"That's fine."

"How is she?" She asked, it was something she thought of on a daily basis.

"She's good. She keeps herself busy all the time. And I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you," he said, slightly happy accompanied by a slight feeling of melancholy. Agnetha smiled. She was nervous as usual but always excited. "So am I... looking forward to seeing you."

"Thanks, for the call."

"My pleasure." A long pause lingered along the line. He looked up to the ceiling as he puffed his chest, not knowing how else to explain to her what he really felt.

"I have to go," she sighed. "I'll see you soon."

"It's good to hear you, Anna."

"You too."

She ended the call and held the phone to her chest, wondering if she will ever overcome the heartache. What she had suffered was more than losing the love of her life. No, it was far more than that alone.